Black Dog
by Kimmimaru
Summary: Being in love with your best friend is painful but made even more so when that friend is not only male but also has a very attractive girlfriend. Sirius Black is struggling to make a name in the world of rock and roll, he falls in with a man who only wants him for his body...Blackmail and drugs threaten to destroy the delinquent Black, will his friend be able to rescue him? AU.
1. Prologue

**Non-Magic AU story based around the Marauders. Slash. M rating for a REASON.**

**Title based on the song of the same name by Led Zeppelin. **

**Sirius Black is a guitarist trying to make his way in a cut throat world. Contains scenes of Abuse, prostitution and drugs.**

Black Dog

_I gotta roll, can't stand still, got a flaming heart, can't get my fill  
Eyes that shine burning red, dreams of you all through my head._

'_Black Dog' by Led Zeppelin._

Prologue: 1976

Thick black hair fell into his face as he lay there, the sky stretching far above his head. He could hear the busy London traffic, the steady thunder of the hoards of people, the slow and steady thrum of the music of London. He lay on his back, the summer sky stretching above him and the sun high in her blue playground, shadows were short, amorphous black puddles around people's feet and he waited. Sweat ran down his cheek but he didn't wipe it away, it was insignificant in comparison to the great weight of fear that settled over his mind. He had done it. He had finally done what he had been threatening to do since he was thirteen...

He had run.

He could still hear his mother's distressed cries, his father's rage...he still had the great big purple bruises covering his pale skin to attest to the violence he had suffered. Yet...he smiled. His smile revealed sharp teeth, pearly white and almost unnatural in there perfection. He was classically handsome, his skin like alabaster, his eyes as silver as the full moon and as sharp as daggers, even at sixteen he was good looking. His mannerisms showed his upper-class upbringing, yet his shoulder length hair defied it. He was a boy of contradiction.

He closed his eyes, feeling the sun warm him, his torn black tank top hung from his thin frame and his torn jeans showed the massive graze he had gained when he had overturned his motorbike. Of course, that had been what had started it...it had been the beginning of the end.

"_Sirius! What on earth is that?!" His mother shouted as he pulled up outside his stately, yet musty old house in Grimmauld place. _

_He grinned at her, hair falling into his eyes as he cut the engine. "This, Mother, is a motorbike." He said, seeing her eyes narrow, her lips thin...she was furious. He felt a thrill of pleasure as her face contorted as she scanned his leather jacket and dark blue jeans. _

"_Get rid of it this instant! I will not have a biker for a son!"_

"_You think, after the amount of money I paid for this, that I'd just get rid of it? Dream on." His leather clad hands caressed the handles and he smiled lazily, blowing his fringe out of his eyes. _

"_Get in this house, this instant! You are an embarrassment!" His mother hissed furiously._

_Sirius laughed, tipping his head back. He kicked the stand and swung one leg over the seat before striding over to his mother, he stepped into the cool house, shedding his jacket with a sigh and throwing it over the coat stand in the hall. _

"_Just wait until your father returns! When he sees that...that monstrosity he will punish you."_

_Sirius just laughed as he walked into the basement kitchen to find the house servant, Miles Kreacher, setting up a tray for tea. The man was tiny, as old as the hills with white hair that protruded from his over large ears. He had bulbous eyes and he had an annoying tendency to mutter to himself as he went about his business. Sirius ignored him, grabbing an apple from the bowl of fruit on the old wooden table before barging past his mother and turning into the hall. "And where do you think you're going young man?!" She said sharply._

_Sirius gazed at her over his shoulder, biting into the apple. "To my room, where the hell else?"_

"_You will wait for your father in the drawing room I will not..."_

_Sirius cut her off with a wave as he jumped up the stairs. "I don't think so." He muttered and walked away, ignoring her angry words. He entered his room, it was plastered with so many posters the original wall paper could no longer be seen, he grinned to himself as he walked over to his record player, he lifted the glass top and rummaged in the pile of records by its side, the apple clamped between his teeth. When he found what he was looking for he pulled the vinyl from its case and put it almost tenderly on the player. The room was filled with the powerful riffs of Jimmy Page, the lilting voice of Robert Plant, the throaty bass of John Paul Jones and the heavy thud of John Bonham as Achilles Last Stand was pumped from the large speakers. Sirius grinned as he threw himself onto his bed, his legs crossed as he stared at the ceiling with one arm behind his head. He could feel the vibrations of the music move through the air, the floor and right into his very lungs where it made his heart beat join the pounding drums and the whine of the guitar. He loved it. Music was everything. It made his whole world revolve and it kept the darkness at bay, his parents hated it, they despised his obsession with rock music, they thought it was improper for him to be listening to it and they hated the fact that he couldn't care less. He had left school with top O-levels, his parents had not commented, he had always hated his private school and had been glad to finally leave. Only one of his friends had attended his school with him, James Potter, a boy from a rich family, like his own, but his parents were kind and raised him in a loving environment...and it showed. James was a messy haired, bespectacled boy with an obsession with a certain red headed girl who he had met on a school trip to St. Ives. She lived in London but she came from a poor area, but that did not deter James. Sirius smiled and sat up, taking aim at the waste paper basket and throwing the apple core into the bin._

_As the sun set below the horizon Sirius was broken from his day dreams by a slam, the sound of glass shattering and a gruff voice bellowing his name. He opened his eyes and they went dark, slowly he pushed himself up and stretched before switching off the music and gazing at the sunset for a second. He could tell by the way his father's voice wavered that he had been drinking again. "Shit..." He whispered and turned to the door, on cue it was slammed open and there stood his father, grey eyes narrowed in fury and his dark hair cut neatly around his face. _

"_Boy! What the hell have you been doing?!" He demanded, advancing menacingly on his eldest son. _

"_Be still man, I haven't done nothing." Sirius replied mulishly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. _

"_Do not use slang in my house, young man! Do you know the trouble you are causing?! The neighbours are talking about that horrible monster sat outside our house! I want answers!"_

_Sirius huffed, making his long fringe flutter, his eyes darkened even further like storm clouds covering the silver moon and he gazed at his father through heavily lidded eyes. "I wanted a Motorbike, I saved up my wages from working Pat's garage...It's mine. I worked for it...can you dig?"_

_He knew he had pushed too far when his father's face turned red with rage. He took a step forward and Sirius watched him close the door, he sighed inwardly. His father removed his belt, the silver buckle glinting menacingly in the fading light. "Take off that shirt and turn around, put both hands on the wall." He hissed and Sirius took one look at his eyes and grinned._

"_Nah, man...I ain't down with that. I'm sixteen, you can't treat me like a kid anymore."_

_His father looked about ready to explode and Sirius had a split second to regret opening his mouth before a heavy fist collided with his face, he was thrown sideways and into the wall where he hit his head. He tasted blood as his teeth pierced his tongue but before he could spit it out he was pulled up by his hair. "I have told you to cut your hair, you are not a girl! You are a boy, I will not have a pouf for a son! Do you understand me?!"_

"_Ow! You fucker! Get off me!" Sirius squirmed, squinting against the pain and feeling the blood trickle down his chin. His father hit him again, this time in the stomach, he doubled over feeling all the air rush from his lungs as he was allowed to collapse. He knelt there, hair covering his face and one arm wrapped around his aching stomach. He gasped, desperately trying to fill his lungs with air. _

"_You will not curse at me! I am your father. You are setting a bad example for your brother..."_

_Sirius looked up, wincing as pain lanced through his stomach. He saw his father gazing coldly down at his record collection. He watched in horror as Orion Black picked up his Vinyl and snapped it in half. His jaw dropped. "Oi! Hey! Y-You can't do that!"_

"_Your dreams of becoming a rock star are over! You will get out and get yourself a real job," He snapped another one and Sirius winced. "I will ask Phil from the company to employ you, construction work will get these Queer idea's out of your head once and for all! I will not let my son destroy our good family name with his rebellion! It is over!"_

_Sirius stood, gazing down at the shards of his new Record. He licked his lips slowly. "You know what?" He said softly, finally meeting his father's stern gaze. "Fuck you!" He spat. "Fuck you and your rules, fuck your regulations, fuck you and everything you stand for! I have had enough!" He saw his father's hand move, he tried to duck but felt the fist connect with his ribs, he cried out, collapsing to the floor and bearing his teeth in agony. _

"_HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU USELESS FAGGOT!"_

_Sirius hissed air through his teeth furiously, he had no chance to defend himself as he was dragged off the floor by his shirt and thrown into the wall, he cracked his head and saw stars before a fist collided with his face again. His head spun, the world went grey and he slid to his knees before his father. Blood dripped steadily to the carpet from his split lip and he raised a shaky hand and wiped it away, slowly, as the dizziness cleared he lifted his head. "I hate you." His voice cracked. "I hate you...I hate you so much I wouldn't care if a truck squashed you flat! You evil, sadistic son of a bitch!"_

_The last thing he saw was his father's furious face before darkness fell about him._

After he had come around, lying in a bloody heap surrounded by shattered Vinyl disks he had heaved himself up, gathered some clothes and a collection of his most treasured possessions before stuffing them into his old school rucksack and walking downstairs, leaving his house for good. His mother had tried to stop him but he had pushed her out the way and slammed the door in her face. He had taken his bike and ridden away, feeling the wind in his hair, feeling freedom shatter the chains that had bound him to his family, and he had hardly stopped smiling.

The fact that he had no money, nowhere to live and no job, hardly bothered him as he lay in the grass listening to the sweet music of London. The summer was the hottest since records began, he was drenched in sunlight and he felt light, slightly giddy as he realised that he was free. He couldn't stop smiling. He heard someone shout and he sat up slowly, eyes moving around the park and saw a tall, messy haired boy running over to him, glasses flashing in the sunlight. Sirius waved as his friend came to halt and looked down at him, Sirius was covered in dark bruises, marks of abuse.

"Woah man, what happened?" James asked as he sat down.

Sirius shook his head. "Booked it, didn't I?" He said with a grin. "The old man was giving me too much hassle..."

James looked him up down, seeing the state of his clothes, the bruise on his jaw and his eye. He pulled a face, hating seeing it. "Dude, you realise you've got nowhere to stay now, right?"

Sirius shrugged, digging in his jeans pocket and bringing forth a crumpled packet of cigarettes. He took one out, handing the packet to James who took one. They lit up off the same match and James blew smoke from his lips with a satisfied sigh. "I'll find something, Man." Sirius said softly. "At least I'm free now."

James puffed thoughtfully on the cigarette before speaking. "Crash at mine." He said, looking sideways at Sirius.

"You mean your parents would be down with that?"

James shrugged. "I guess, like, they actually prefer you to me." He smirked. "It'll be cool."

Sirius smiled. "Sure, I'll crash 'till I get my own crib."

"Awesome." James lay back smoking and gazing up at the clouds. "Ugh...My mum's gunna be awful when she sees you looking like you got hit by a train..."

Sirius laughed, a sharp, bark-like noise that made people startle and look over at the Juvenile delinquent. "Cool..."

They spent a while checking out the girls who passed them, rating them on looks. Then, as the sky slowly began to darken Sirius and James got up and left the park, Sirius grabbed his bike, swinging his leg over it as James climbed onto the back, grabbing his friend's waist. "If I die, you're paying for my funeral!" He said and Sirius just laughed as he revved the engine.

"Hold on tight!" He said over the roar as they sped off down the street.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: JP/SB slash fic! I have re-uploaded this story because the last time I did it I messed up royally on the chapter order and had to re-do it, I apologise! Sorry. It will contain scenes of a potentially disturbing nature, including drugs and child abuse. Please read with caution. :D Thanks and also, please review? **

Chapter One: Boys Keep Swinging

"In the current Economic climate I am, unfortunately, unable to find a job." Sirius muttered, he sat on one of the many cushions in his dingy little flat. He had inherited it from his uncle who had passed away. Sat across his lap was an Acoustic guitar, he hugged it to himself, absently running long fingers across the fret board while a cigarette was caught between his lips, smoke drifted up towards the ceiling and James sighed heavily. "You think I haven't tried?" Sirius was beginning to sound defensive.

"Look, I'm not getting at you, man, but seriously, think about this...if you don't find a decent regular job you'll starve!" James gazed around at the practically empty flat, it was small, more of a hovel really but Sirius refused to sell it. It had a single room, Sirius slept on the floor in a pile of blankets, the kitchenette was barely sanitary and the bathroom was tiny.

Sirius waved away James' concern. "Maybe my music'll sell more after I'm dead..." he said softly.

"Don't say shit like that." James leaned back on his elbow, watching his friend carefully. Sirius' movements were precise, he was talented and he was handsome...but he let his anger get the better of him and had yet to find a band that got on with him. Sirius took his cigarette between his fingers and flicked ash into the little metal ash tray by his knee, James found himself looking into those sharp silver eyes as Sirius smiled lazily.

"I'll be fine, mate. You concentrate on getting that Foxy little chick of yours, and I'll concentrate on my shit, dig?"

James shook his head slowly. "You know, Lily hates you calling her that."

Sirius waved a hand airily. "Whatever." He muttered and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray. "Beer?" he raised an eyebrow in question and James smiled. Sirius put aside his guitar and stood, stretching with his arms above his head so his t-shirt rode up to reveal a slither of pale flesh, and a scar. Sirius yawned, running fingers through his hair as he made his way, bare footed, to the kitchenette and grabbed some cold beer from the fridge. He paused on his way back and put on some music before handing James a bottle. Alice Cooper's Billion Dollar Babies was suddenly blasted into the room, the heavy riffs thrumming through James' veins as he took the proffered beer.

They drank in silence for a moment before James' eyes landed on Sirius' book of matches, he frowned and picked them up. Sirius went still when he saw James reading the lettering. "What were you doing in a dive like The Three Moons?" He asked warily. "Do you know what kind of people hang there?"

Sirius avoided his gaze. "Yeah, got it from someone..." He said vaguely.

James frowned slightly, gazing at his friend who determinedly avoided meeting his eyes. "Sirius..." he began slowly.

"No." Sirius muttered, leaning forward suddenly and snatching the book of matches from James' fingers. "Don't ask questions you won't like the answer to."

"Have you been..."

Sirius shot him a heated glare. "Do you listen to me?"

"Not when it comes to you hanging in that dungeon! It's full of pervs and creeps..."

"I know." Sirius shoved the match book in his pocket and took a long swig of his beer. "They pay me." He said slowly.

"In what? Drugs?"

Sirius laughed. "Real cash, mate. I do gigs there and the owner, Tim, he's cool. He says I got talent...says he can put me in contact with some scouts!" His silver eyes shone brilliantly but James couldn't share his joy, he bit down on his lip.

"What does he ask for?"

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, once again not quite meeting his friend's eyes.

"What is he making you do?"

"Nothing." Sirius swept hair from his eyes, lighting yet another cigarette and blowing smoke from his lungs.

"Sirius..."

"Just leave it, man, stop killing my buzz." Sirius said, but his voice was hard, empty of emotion and James let it drop.

"So, what kind of music does this Tim guy let you play?"

"I mainly do covers, requests and stuff, but I have played my own stuff...it got a pretty good reception." He smiled around his cigarette and James couldn't help but return it. Sirius was obviously happy, it shone in his eyes and as long as Sirius was happy James was too. But he still didn't like the fact that Sirius was working at the Three Moons...he had heard terrible stories about the underground club and his mother had warned him away from going to any gigs there. "Hey, I'm doing a show tonight, you can come see if you want!" Sirius asked, his bright eyes sparkling.

James bit his lip. "I uh...I'd...love to." He said finally, unable to deny Sirius' joy. Before he knew what was happening he found his arms full of his friend and he was shoved backwards onto a pile of cushions and his face was full of hair. Sirius smelt of a mixture of cigarettes, beer, Cinnamon and Liquorice. James couldn't help but take a deep lungful of the mixture, his fingers slipping to Sirius' hair as he raised his head and gazed down at him. There was brief moment of silence, the tension in Sirius' body was reflected in his eyes. James swallowed hard before Sirius pulled himself away, James closed his eyes briefly before sitting upright again to see Sirius kneeling opposite him, black hair falling elegantly into his face and his smile revealing sharp teeth. "Alright, so what kind of place is this club?" He asked, trying to diffuse the soft blush that kept threatening to creep into his cheeks.

Later James stood before a full length mirror looking at his reflection. "Are...you sure about this, Siri?" he asked, moving his eyes to see Sirius leaning against the wall beside the mirror.

"You look good, you should wear leather more often." He flashed James his teeth in a grin before pushing himself from the wall. James took a last look at himself, scrunching up his nose slightly. He had borrowed a pair of Sirius' exceptionally tight jeans with a black t-shirt. It was simple, but not something he would normally have chosen to wear, but he was most upset about the leather jacket hanging from his shoulders. He pulled a face and Sirius laughed loudly. "Pull that face and your precious Lily will never look at you again..." He said.

James sighed, absently messing his hair up carefully at the back as he turned to face Sirius who, as usual, looked breathtaking in a tight dark blue jeans, a t-shirt that hugged his body like a glove and his long carefully styled hair falling into his eyes. "I always feel stupid and ugly next to you..." James muttered, a small frown creasing his eyebrows.

"Ah, Jamie...I can't help it if God gave me all the looks." He smiled cheekily.

The small underground room was hot. James had difficulty pushing his way to the front of the small crowd, where a low stage sat presiding over the chattering men and woman. Smoke hung above their heads as people eyed the young man warily as he pushed through them; James had never felt so out of place. The men were large, brutish looking with small eyes which raked James' thin frame as if he was an interesting curiosity, the women were tall and doll like with big hair and tight jeans. High heels that looked more like daggers adorned their feet and their faces were covered in so much make up they almost looked alien to James. He was obviously the youngest person in the room, and it made him supremely uncomfortable. When he reached the front of the stage he felt someone tug on his arm, he turned to see a woman with blond hair gazing at him drunkenly. "Hey, aren't you a little...young to be here?" She asked in a low voice.

"Uh...no...I'm eighteen." James muttered, trying to dislodge her.

She smiled. "Oh?" She leaned close, her breath tickling his neck as he felt himself being pushed into the stage, her hand slid down his chest and came to rest on his groin. He swallowed, gazing at her through terrified eyes. She was pretty, but definitely not his type. "Then you're old enough for me, Honey, want a good time?"

Before James could speak he saw a hand land on the woman's shoulder, she turned and saw Sirius stood behind her. "Sorry, he's taken." He said firmly with a charming smile.

The woman pouted. "Aw, Sirius, you get all the cute ones..." She said, running her hands over Sirius' chest. Her nails were like claws. James watched as she leaned in, whispering something into Sirius' ear. "You going to the after party?"

Sirius smiled, but it was somewhat distant. "Obviously." He replied, his hands taking hers and drawing her away gently. "You wouldn't let me skip that part would you Tim?"

James choked. "What?!" He gasped.

The woman turned, smirking. "Oh, you didn't know? I'm Tim, the owner." The woman's voice had gone deep and gravelly and James felt slightly faint. "Where did you find him Siri? He's adorable!"

Sirius laughed roughly. "We were at school together."

"Ah, I see...well, you have a set to do. Get your sexy arse on that stage, Honey." He pushed Sirius in the back and he jumped lightly onto the stage. While the stage was set up Tim leaned on the platform, eyeing James through false lashes and tapping his talons on the wood. "So, you know Little Siri?"

"Yeah...we've been mates since we started school..." He said, unable to look into the man's...woman's...eyes.

Tim giggled. "He talks about you quite a bit, you know..."

That startled James a bit and he met the blond's eyes. "He does?!"

"Yes, when his mouth isn't busy elsewhere..."

James flushed and turned away, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose nervously. "A-Are...you saying he's...?"

"Gay?" Tim swept his long hair over one shoulder as he watched Sirius plugging his guitar into the amps. "No...he likes his chicks just as much as his dicks." He smirked as he eyed James carefully.

"I-I...I didn't know..." James whispered, feeling decidedly uncomfortable.

"Come now, you really think it would be something he would want spread around? No one's that naive. It's the origin of most of those scars on his body...He told me his father discovered his preference for men and decided he would beat it out of him."

James watched his friend talking softly to another man, their heads close together, the man had a hand on Sirius' shoulder in a familiar gesture. Suddenly Sirius looked up and his smile brightened the room, he grinned and James returned it.

"He likes you." Tim said and James jumped, he was stood right behind him, whispering in his ear. Tim's hand slipped down his chest and James tried to jerk away from the gentle caress but Tim had him pinned, he was smirking. "Maybe you could come back stage and play with us afterwards...there's plenty of lonely men who wouldn't mind teaching you how to pleasure our little pet..." He chuckled as James made an odd strangled noise in the back of his throat, he was trapped and couldn't escape. "He's got a lot of talent, and I'm not talking about his guitar skills..."

James bit down hard on his lip as he looked up to see Sirius standing before a mic, his silver grey eyes met James' and widened slightly when he saw Tim's wandering hand slipping into James' jeans. "S-Sirius..." James hissed, grabbing Tim's hand and stopping its descent.

Tim frowned and huffed irritably, he sent Sirius a glare and the dark haired boy flushed and adjusted the strap of his guitar, he closed his eyes, taking a slow breath before suddenly striking the first chord. The sound silenced the crowd. Sirius closed his eyes and began playing 'John, I'm only dancing' by David Bowie.

_Well, Annie's pretty neat, she always eats her meat_

_Joe is awful strong, bet your life he's putting us on_

_Oh lordy, oh lordy, you know I need some loving_

_I'm moving, touch me!_

_John, I'm only dancing_

_She turns me on, but I'm only dancing_

_She turns me on, don't get me wrong_

_I'm only dancing_

He sung the lyrics, his voice jarringly different from the original but strangely haunting. James was hooked. His eyes glued to Sirius, bathed in bright light as he played and sang. The guitar throbbed through the air, snatching James' breath, he hardly noticed Tim's hand. He couldn't look away. The heat in the room was intolerable as people danced around him, he shivered as Sirius' eyes met his that sharp silver jabbing right into his soul.

_Oh shadow love was quick and clean, life's a well thumbed machine_

_I saw you watching from the stairs, you're everyone that ever cared_

_Oh lordy, oh lordy, you know I need some loving_

_I'm moving, touch me!_

"He's pretty, isn't he?" Tim whispered, chuckling softly. His hot breath making James tremble. "I know you're curious...who wouldn't be with a body like that?"

"S-Stop..." James whispered, his fingers digging into Tim's wrist as he massaged James' crotch through his jeans.

"Oh come on, you're loving it...Those sexy little noises you're making..."

James couldn't hear himself over the sound of the music, the air was thick, difficult to breath as Sirius switched song, smoothly changing the mood with the ease of a professional. Those silver eyes met hazel and James realised he looked slightly hurt, but he played on.

Finally Sirius' set came to an end and Tim released James who gasped, losing his balance slightly and falling forward. He was shaking as he held himself up on the stage, Sirius jumped down from the stage, sweat stuck his hair to his face and he was panting slightly as he moved over to them. His eyes were cold as he looked at Tim. "You promised!" He gasped, pushing the Transvestite in the chest. "You said you wouldn't touch him!"

"He didn't come..." Tim muttered, mulishly. "And anyway Siri, you don't make the rules around here." Sirius glared at him but was unable to protest that. He couldn't look James in the eye, he couldn't stand the idea that he would be disgusted with him. Selling his body in exchange for getting his music heard was, for him, a small price to pay...but James would find it abhorrent. Tim smiled and walked past him, trailing a long nailed hand across his chest, his fingers catching his hair and tugging it lightly. "Meet me backstage, both of you...and don't come alone Siri...or you know what will happen."

Sirius shivered and nodded, staring at the floor as Tim walked away. James gathered his wits and stood straight, he grabbed Sirius and began dragging him roughly towards the door. "We're leaving." He muttered through his teeth but Sirius stopped, he looked back at him and saw those eyes glittering beneath the light. "What are you doing? You're not..."

"I don't have a choice!" Sirius said suddenly, yanking himself free of his friend and stepping back. "This way I get my music heard! People actually come here to watch me play! I-I...I can't do this any other way! I'm...sorry..." He turned away. James paused for a split second, chewing his lip then remembered Tim's warning. He growled in frustration and ran through the crowd after his friend.


	3. Chapter 2

AN: Hi there, hope you are all enjoying reading this. I would appreciate any comments you have as to the progress so far, thank you.

Chapter Two: Over the Hills and Far away

The room was small with a single grimy window that looked out on a street, James stood by the door as if ready to flee at the slightest provocation. There were two sofas both of which were occupied by a mixture of men and women. James swallowed nervously, hands clenched into fists at his sides. Sirius' eyes were dark as the drugs took over his system, his pupils blown wide with the foreign chemicals flooding his body. He lay on the sofa, dangling across Tim's lap as the proprietor ran a hand casually through his hair. The gesture was possessive and James hated it. He wanted to go over to him, grab him by both shoulders and shake him until his best friend returned. James licked his lips nervously, the soft chatter of the other occupants in the room washed over him in a wave of meaningless noise.

"Where's the tunes man?" One man muttered, he had what could only have been a fat joint between his lips as he turned hazy eyes to Tim.

"Siri?" Tim muttered and Sirius stirred.

"Yeah…?" He muttered, his black eyes landing on his boss.

"Go put a record on, love."

"Mmmkay…" Sirius sat up and pushed hair from his eyes with one shaky hand, he stood up and his eyes widened. "Woah…" He muttered, stumbling into a wall with a loud laugh.

"He's coming up." The man with the joint said with a smirk.

"Wha' you wan' on, man?" Sirius mumbled, he now stood beside James and gripped a battered looking record player.

"How about some 'Stones?" A woman said with a smile, she was leaning against a large man who had the softest looking hair James had ever seen.

"Denise that is an excellent choice, dear." Tim said as he lounged lazily on the sofa.

"Rolling Stones it is." Sirius muttered as he put the record into the player and adjusted the needle. The music began blaring into the room from the massive speakers, Sirius giggled and fell against the wall, hair fell into his face and covered his eyes for a moment. James moved and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sirius? Mate, are you alright?"

"'m buzzin'!" Sirius said loudly as he lifted his head.

James would have taken a step back if he had been able to, he hated that grin on his friends face it was almost terrifying. Instead he pressed his back against the wall and just nodded. Sirius looked at him, his eyes suddenly intense and James had to hold the wall to keep himself steady. He knew that Sirius was volatile, his temper getting him into more trouble than he could usually handle but he had never suspected that there was so much of his friend that he didn't know. He sighed softly and lifted his hand to pushed hair from those eyes. "Siri…I don't even know who you are anymore." He said softly.

Sirius giggled and fell into the wall, he slid down it until he was kneeling. His hiccoughs of laughter sounded more like sobs to James' ears. When Sirius had finally silenced himself he looked up at James. "Can' you chill man? This is 'sposed to be a party…"

James understood what he was really saying; I don't want to talk about it right now. He sighed and closed his eyes as he rubbed them beneath his glasses, he pushed himself away from the wall and moved towards the door. "Fine…whatever. I'm obviously not wanted. Have fun Sirius and please, don't get yourself killed."

Sirius watched James leave and his insane grin softened as he watched the door close behind him. "'m Sorry Jamie." He whispered and pushed his hands in his hair with a sigh.

XXX

Ever since they had been eleven years old Sirius and James had been inseparable. They had been in the same house in Colchester Royal Grammar School in Essex, they had begun school on excellent terms and become terrors within their first month. No matter how many detentions they gained it was never enough to prevent them from causing mischief. They had been brothers in all but blood, and even then their family's were closely related. When Sirius' obsession in Rock Music had begun James had been fascinated, they were twelve years old when they heard their first rock song and had fallen in love, but Sirius more so than James. Sirius began dreaming of becoming a famous guitarist, even going so far as to sell off many of his own clothes to pay for his first guitar. His parents had threatened to smash it up, but had eventually given up when Sirius had promised to ensure his grades remained high in exchange for the guitars safety. He won. It was then that Sirius' hair began to grow out, he ignored his parents attempts to have him cut it off, he ran to James' every summer they threatened him until they were forced to give up on that too.

The trip to St. Ives in 1974 was when Sirius became certain that fame was what he desired most…

The coach trip was boring. Sirius lounged in the back seat, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows and his purple blazer thrown over the seat at his side. James leaned against the window with his cheek pressed to it and huffed occasionally. The coach was typically rowdy as the excited boys chatted and threw bits of paper at each other. "Jamie?" Sirius asked with a yawn.

"Yes?" James turned to see his best friend with his tie tied around his forehead, he raised an eyebrow. "If Mr. Grey sees you wearing that you'll end up with the cane when we get to the hotel."

Sirius shrugged casually. "He'd have to catch me first." He smirked and James returned it. "It's nice to get out of London, man." He ran fingers through his hair. "Hey!" His eyes lit up suddenly as he leaned close to James, his voice dropped to a whisper. "You wanna sneak out and get pissed?"

James smiled. "Yeah, but we'll have to be really quiet or you know what'll happen…"

Sirius pulled a face. "Suspension…but I'm not afraid of that." He turned to gaze out at the passing countryside, James couldn't miss the darkening of his eyes. "I'm getting pretty sick of that belt." He whispered and rubbed his back absently as if the scars still pained him, then, like the sunshine through clouds his smile returned. "But that won't happen, Jamie. We'll get away with it, we have done before."

They arrived at the Hotel in the early evening, James and Sirius climbed off the coach surrounded by excited young men. Their eyes met and they grinned at each other as their teachers divided them up into their separate houses.

Mr. Grey stood at the head of James and Sirius' line as he eyed them all carefully, he pursed his lips as his eyes landed on Sirius. "Black!" Sirius jumped slightly and blinked.

"Yes sir?"

"Tuck in your shirt and put on your tie and blazer, do you want to give the school a bad impression?"

"Of course not, Sir." Sirius smiled charmingly and did as he was instructed, however when he tied his tie he let it dangle half way down his chest, his shirt hung out at the back but was hidden by his blazer. James snorted in amusement from his side, Sirius flashed him an easy wink.

That night the pair stayed awake long after lights out, they waited for everything to go quiet except for their dorm mates snoring before changing into their school clothes again and slipping out. It was all far too easy, Sirius was forced to stifle a chuckle as they slipped silently passed Mr. Grey who was fast asleep in a chair outside their room. When they were free they ran out of the hotel and down the streets, Sirius whooped in delight as he leapt and punched the air. James laughed, giddy with nerves and adrenaline. They ran to the nearest high street and awaited an adult who would be willing to buy minors alcohol, when they had that and a packet of cigarettes they went to a nearby cliff-top bench and sat there. They lit cigarettes and shared the bottle of whiskey between them as they gazed out across the sea.

As the moon rose above them James listened to Sirius humming softly to himself, he couldn't help but smile. Sirius had been taking classical singing lessons since he was in primary school and he had the voice of an angel. As James turned his head to look at his best friend Sirius began singing softly, he had his head tipped back and a small smile on his lips.

James giggled as Sirius sung 'Space Oddity' by David Bowie. He would have joined in if he hadn't been exceptionally self-conscious about his voice, he couldn't sing for toffee. Sirius stared up at the stars as he sung beneath his breath, his eyes half closed and James realised he had never seen him so relaxed. "Hey, Siri?"

"Hmm?" Sirius broke off and turned his eyes onto James' he took the whiskey from his fingers and took a long swig before handing it back.

"What will you do if you never get to become a rock star?"

Sirius returned his eyes to the stars, he took in a deep breath and felt the refreshing salty tang of the sea sting his tongue. "I…I've never thought about it."

"But surely you have a backup plan?"

Sirius shook his head slowly, his eyes darkening. "I want to be famous, Jamie. It's the only thing I can imagine myself doing…What about you? What do you want to do when you leave school?"

James considered a moment before grinning to himself. "I want a family."

Sirius snorted derisively and snatched the bottle back. "You sound like a bloody woman." He muttered and finished the bottle.

"Look who's talking! With hair like yours you could pass for a girl!" James muttered angrily.

"Hah!" Sirius let out a sudden bark of bright laughter and James failed to fight his own grin, eventually he joined in with Sirius and they laughed until their sides hurt. When they had finally calmed down they were both lying on the grass beneath the bench, they lay on their sides so they faced each other. Suddenly the atmosphere changed at the drop of a hat, James felt his breath hitching as if obstructed by something in his chest. Sirius' eyes had fallen half-closed and his lips had parted as if he was about to speak, slowly, hesitantly he lifted a hand and let his fingers brush James' cheek. "Jamie…I…I have something to tell you…"

"Y-Yeah?" James whispered, his voice harsh as it escaped his throat. He tried to swallow but it made no difference, his mouth was so dry all of a sudden…

"Yeah…" Sirius' eyes flicked away for a second before coming back to rest on James', he shifted as if he was moving closer and James felt as if a suffocating blanket had been thrown over him but he couldn't move a muscle. "James I…for a long time…I mean…It's not…I…" Sirius frowned distractedly before sighing and closing his eyes. When he opened his eyes they were darker and heavily lidded, he suddenly moved forward, his fingers tangling in the hair at the back of James' neck…their lips were millimetres from each other when a loud girlish shout echoed through the night. The intensity of the moment was shattered as Sirius jerked away, the spell broke like crystal and James let out the breath he had been holding. Sirius sat up, hiding his face behind a curtain of ebony hair. He chuckled softly, his fingers picking up a smooth shiny black rock from the floor. "Typical…" He breathed.

James took a breath, his mind frazzled by the alcohol and oddly intense moment. He frowned and rubbed his face as he sat up. "Siri, what was-?" He looked up but his friend was gazing down the short hill towards the road where several girls were walking towards them.

When the girls entered the light that shone from a street light James gasped in a sharp breath. There were three of them, each of them wearing an unknown uniform but it was the one in the middle who caught James' attention. She was looking nervous as they stopped under the street light, she was wearing a knee-length pleated skirt with a white blouse and white socks but her hair was beautiful shade of deep red. She had tied it back into a pony tail and tied it with a ribbon. James sighed softly and Sirius glanced at him, something in his eyes changed, they seemed to darken with sadness but he was smiling. "Girls." He said softly, jerking James from his contemplation of the red head. "Come on, let's go introduce ourselves." Sirius stood up and held out his hand to James, his smile was still soft and filled with an inexplicable sadness. He pulled James to his feet and dusted himself down, with a flourish he swung his blazer over one shoulder and shoved a hand in his pocket. "Hey!" He called, the girls jumped and turned around. Sirius smiled and James saw two of them blush and giggle. "It's nice to see some other kids here, thought this place was full of oldies. My name's Sirius Black."

One of the girls stepped forward and swung hair over her shoulder. "I'm Alice, this is Connie and this is Lily."

The red head who was called Lily nodded to them, Connie raked Sirius with her eyes and smiled in greeting. James had only eyes for Lily, she was the prettiest thing he had ever seen, he was so intent on staring at her that he missed Sirius' introduction of him. Sirius nudged him in the back and he stumbled before straightening himself out, he ruffled his hair up at the back so it was elegantly messy and windswept before letting an easy grin surface. "Hi, James Potter at your service." He extended his hand which Lily took briefly.

"Lily Evans."

"Miss Evans, what a beautiful name…"

Sirius smiled to himself before flopping back down onto the bench and starting on their second bottle of whiskey. Connie sat at his side. "Is that whiskey?" She asked.

"Yeah, want some?"

She nodded and took it from his fingers. "So, where are you from?"

"They're from that rich people's school…what was its name? Colchester Royal Grammar School, It's an all boy's school." Lily said with a dirty look at Sirius' filthy blazer.

"You've heard of us then?" James asked, eager to continue talking to this wonderful girl.

"Who hasn't? You're all snobs!" Lily looked disgusted. "A friend of mine was beaten up by a load of your fifth years."

James looked slightly put out, he scuffed a shoe in the ground. "Sorry, but not all of us are like that."

"What do your parents do Sirius?" Connie asked eagerly leaning forward with shining eyes.

"He's old money." James said as he perched beside Sirius on the back of the bench. "We both are. Our parents inherited their fortunes, so did their parents and so on and so on…"

"So…you don't actually do anything?" Lily asked, her disdain obvious.

"Well…I think my dad's got stocks and shares in several big companies. He's also got a lot of money invested in a construction company." Sirius said quietly. "We get a large income from our estate house which we open every summer for the public, they get to walk around the gardens and such." He waved an airy hand as he took a swig of the whiskey. "My mum's side of the family breed race horses, her brother Alphard works in foreign affairs in the government and her older brother owns several factories that produce quality English stoneware."

"Oh…" Connie was gazing at Sirius with huge eyes full of awe, Lily was the only one who didn't look impressed.

"My parents do loads for charity." James said thoughtfully. "My mum's an artist, although she doesn't make much from that. My dad is a real dog racing buff, we've got several grey hounds which my dad raised himself." He smiled to himself. "Other than that we don't really do anything in particular."

"Wow! You two are _so_ lucky!" Alice sighed as she sat beside James.

Sirius snorted softly to himself as he peeled the label off of the bottle in his hand. "Lucky…yeah…that's a good way to put it." He breathed and closed his eyes briefly. James sensed his melancholy and squeezed his shoulder, Sirius smiled up at him. He stood up suddenly and walked towards the edge of the cliff, a cold wind bit at his exposed hands as he looked down into the churning sea. He remembered what he had nearly done, he remembered nearly confessing to his best friend that he was in love with him. A flash of fury and self disgust flashed through him and he suddenly threw the empty bottle into the sea, he watched the moonlight flash off of it before the waves swallowed it up.

Lily shook her head. "Poor little rich boys, you don't know what you've got." She said softly.

"No…No I guess we don't." Sirius muttered, shoving hands into his pockets and tipping his head back. He looked up at the stars with a brooding frown on his face. "Of course, having money and good prospects always means we're happy." He spun around and glared at Lily for a moment before stalking away down the hill. "Jamie, I'll catch you later." He called over his shoulder.

"Sirius! Siri! Come back! You idiot, you don't know where you are!" James called but Sirius merely lifted his hand and gave him the finger as he walked away. "Fucking twat!" He sighed and shook his head.


	4. Chapter 3

AN: Contains scenes of Child abuse. (Not a happy chappy) I apologise, if you're wandering why the chapters jumped it's because I fucked up. :/ I posted another chapter when it SHOULD have been this one, again I am sorry, I read it wrong…*Sigh* Anyways, enjoy.

Chapter Three: Rock and Roll

The night was dark as the moon disappeared behind the horizon, Sirius walked the streets of the quiet little town with his head down and his hands shoved firmly into his pockets. He frowned to himself and kicked a stone so it skittered away into the darkness. "Shit!" He swore loudly and tipped his head back with a sigh. "Jamie…" The stars glittered at him silence, they never answered him. No matter how many times he had begged them to release him from his prison at Grimmauld place, no matter how loud he screamed when his father was drunk and decided that his eldest son had looked at him funny. He closed his eyes on them. "I hate you." He breathed and suddenly broke into a run. He ran as fast as he could, the pounding of his converse-clad feet adding a steady beat to the rhythm of his heart. He leapt an overturned bin and continued to run. He stopped for nothing, even the drunk teenagers who were coming out of the bars. He flew past shops, houses and down dark dimly lit alley ways. James had been right, he had no idea where he was but he couldn't care less. His breathing began to become ragged as he ran from his nightmares, the screaming face of his mother, his father's fist as it smashes through the plaster in the wall, his brothers tears…

"Shit. Shit. Shit." He chanted softly.

The alcohol he had ingested made him dizzy but he didn't stop until the sun lit the horizon, when he did halt he found himself stood at the edge of a cliff. He gazed across the sea while he tried to catch his breath, his shirt was soaked with sweat and his hair clung to his forehead. With a casual, unconscious gesture he swept it from his eyes as he fell to the floor and lowered his head. His fingers dug into the soft earth as he tried to control his anger, it didn't take much to set him off these days. Ever since the previous summer, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out those memories but there was no stopping them…

"_I will not have it! I refuse to allow my son to become one of those! It is unacceptable!"_

"_Orion, dear, please try to hold your temper and not damage the house."_

_Sirius was stood outside the drawing room as his parents discussed him, he knew he was in more trouble than he ever had been before. It was his fault for being so stupid. It was his fault for wanting to explore himself, it was his fault for finding a picture of David Bowie in a magazine, it was his fault for thinking that his parents wouldn't walk in and… _

_He took a shaky breath and blew it out again as he tried to forget all about that humiliating moment. His cheeks burned just thinking about it. He looked up at the ceiling but he couldn't stop remembering how he had been swamped inside his own erotic fantasies while gazing at the black and white image of one of his favourite musicians, then the agonising terror as the door had creaked open and his mother's voice had forced reality to crash in around him like a demolished house. She had stared at him, he had stared at her with the picture clutched in one sweaty palm and in the other his rapidly wilting erection. He knew it would forever be the worst moment of his life, but it had been made even worse when he had released the picture and it had floated down so his mother could see who was on it. _

_Now his father knew. His father knew he was attracted to men, he hunched his shoulders and glared at the carpet while debating whether he could run for the door before his father could catch him. And then the door had opened, he lifted his head and found himself looking at the terrified face of his little brother just as his father's hand had descended on his shoulder. "It's alright Reg, just go to your room and put on your music." He whispered before his father had pulled him into the drawing room._

Sirius felt his gorge rise with the memories, he remembered that throughout the whole beating had been the sound of Wagner's Ride of Valkyries from his brother's room. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back as memories of blood, screams and tears returned to him. With a shiver he let them open again. "Shit…" He breathed and wrapped his arms around himself.

"_You're useless, you know that, boy?! Not like your brother! He's the good boy, the one who follows orders! I am in half a mind to put you into the military, they would straighten you out! They would force those vile thoughts from your head for sure."_

"_What would the neighbours say if he changed schools, Orion? Be sensible here."_

"_Of course, Walburga…of course but I am at my wits end with this filth! He should have been put straight into the Orphanage when he was born!"_

"_Yes, but you married me just in time to prevent any need for such measures."_

"_But I told you to get rid of it! I told you he would cause nothing but trouble for us both. I wanted to start again from a clean slate but you wouldn't have it!"_

_Walburga sighed. "I was young and stupid, who could ever have guessed our son would turn out to be a pervert?"_

Sirius remembered lying in a heap of torn cloth and tangled hair and listening to his parents discuss what to do with him. Because he was the bad son, he was the gay one. He was the one who had sick thoughts about his best friend; he was the one who, in the dead of night, would whisper James' name into the darkness while imagining disgusting things. He shuddered and sat still for a long time, finally he climbed to his feet and began walking back to town, he knew he was lost but it didn't scare him. He let his feet take him wherever they wished, he passed a bakery and the smell made his stomach rumble. He paused and dug around in his pocket, he brought out a pound coin. He rolled it between his fingers for a moment before turning to the shop and pushing the door open, he was just in time to buy a fresh bread roll and a cake that had just been baked. These he ate while he tried to find his way back to the Hotel he had been staying in.

After asking around for directions Sirius managed to find his way back to the Hotel, he turned a corner and found his teachers and class mates all calling frantically for him. He spotted James a split second before James spotted him, the two boys grinned at each other before breaking into runs. They met in a random tangle of limbs as they tackled each other to the floor. Sirius laughed happily as he held James close, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, finally feeling like he was home again. "I'm sorry." He breathed into James' hair.

"Don't be…It's my fault." James replied and released him, the two boys sat up just as the Headmaster descended upon them.

Mr. Rathburn was a tall, formidable man with a moustache and neatly parted hair. He was also in charge of the Rugby club so he was as wide as he was tall, and not a single ounce of fat adorned his body. He grabbed Sirius by the scruff of his shirt and dragged him to his feet. "Mr. Black, what do you have to say for yourself?!" He demanded in that familiar cold tone.

"I apologise sir, I didn't intend to be out so late."

Rathburn shook Sirius violently. "The issue, young man, is that you left in the first place! This will earn you thirty lashes and a detention every weekend until the end of the year, do you understand me?!"

"I do sir." Sirius muttered. He was dragged back into the hotel. Ratheburn kept a tight grip on Sirius' upper arm as they went up the stairs to the teacher's floor, he was pulled into Rathburn's suite and dumped unceremoniously into a chair by the large double bed.

"Remove your trousers and place both hands on the wall."

Sirius sighed and did as Rathburn asked, he lowered his head and waited. His trousers were tangled around his feet and he realised how dirty they were. He heard his headmaster getting ready and tensed when he sensed him standing behind him. With a small whistle the cane was brought across the backs of his legs, he tensed and gritted his teeth. He closed his eyes tightly as he braced himself on the wall and ensured not a single sound escaped his lips. His legs throbbed worse with each lash, the little bamboo cane feeling more like razor wire than wood as it cut open his flesh, Sirius shuddered as the heat seared his skin. He dug his finger nails into the wall and tried to keep his breathing under control. Again the cane was brought across his tender backside and he gasped, a soft, uncontrollable moan escaping from his parted lips as he threw his head back. His eyes widened in horror at the noise, that hadn't sounded as if he was in pain. He risked looking down and saw, to his utter humiliation, his erection standing out in sharp relief within the confines of his white pants. He swore inwardly, his cheeks bright red as he rested his head on one hand and waited for the teacher to continue his punishment. The ache in his legs and arse was not the only ache in his body, it was a challenge to ignore it. His fingers scraped at the wall paper as once again he heard that whistle, his body jerked forward on impact and once again the gasp was one of mixed pleasure and pain even as the agony in his backside increased. "Oh shit…" He gasped and closed his eyes, he only hoped his teacher wouldn't think that there was anything out of the ordinary.

"Black, turn around."

Dread sank into Sirius' soul, he had no idea what was wrong with him. He was getting turned on by his teacher…the man wasn't even that attractive. He bit down on his bottom lip to try and distract himself from his erection. "I-uh…I'd rather…s-stay like t-this…" He muttered and lowered his head. He really was going to be in trouble now.

"I said turn around. Face me."

Sirius took a slow breath and opened his eyes, slowly, as if he was living a nightmare he turned around. He kept his eyes down, staring hard at the patterned carpet in the hopes that it would swallow him up and take him out of this situation. "S-Sir?" He muttered after the silence had gone on too long, he risked looking up and saw his teacher gazing at him with something in his eyes that made Sirius step backwards. "Sir? I-I…Is my punishment o-over?"

Rathburn finally stirred, his eyes were much too dark and Sirius felt vulnerable, he had changed in front of his teacher many times and never once felt so uncomfortable. He shifted from one foot to the other, eternally grateful that his unfortunate problem was slowly wilting under the intense gaze of his tutor. "No. I believe you have yet to fully repent…once again…" He made a turning gesture with a finger, Sirius frowned to himself but obeyed. He braced his hands against the wall and closed his eyes. He could hear Rathburn moving behind him and the sensation was very strange, he had never felt so vulnerable before. He kept as still as he could and restrained any questions in case he did something to get himself into worse trouble, he didn't like this side of Rathburn, it was slightly scary.

"S-Sir I-AH!" Sirius' body jerked forward as the switch hit him across the back, he hit his head on the wall it had been so unexpected. He opened his eyes and made to turn around but a hand was planted firmly over his own and pinned above his head, Ratheburns hot breath tickled the back of his neck and his voice was breathy and strange.

"…Stay there…we're not done."

Sirius felt chills creep up his spine but he bit down on his lower lip to prevent any retort, he really didn't like the teachers tone. He tensed when that whistle came again, anticipating the pain, it hit his skin like a white-hot wire he moaned and buried his face in the crook of his arm. His waning erection was back with vengeance and he shivered as cool air washed his skin. The pain felt good, he had always been relatively ok with pain, he had figured that there were worse things in the world but he had never felt like this when he had been hit. Then he realised that normally the teachers gave him the cane across the backs of his hands, they had never hit him on the legs before. He gasped as the switch cut into his flesh again, his eye-lids fell closed slightly and he braced himself again.

"Are you sorry?" Rathburn whispered in his ear after a few more hits, Sirius felt his hand sliding over his chest and he swallowed the tight lump of fear in his throat.

"Y-Yes sir…I'm sorry I r-ran away, can I go?" Fingers slid into his shirt, Sirius felt them caress one of his nipples. His immediate reaction of escape was blocked by Rathburns heated body at his back, he gasped as two fingers squeezed the little nub and it hardened beneath the slightly rough treatment. "Sir! S-Stop…!" Sirius muttered, pushing the hand away and slipping free of Rathburns unnatural embrace. "I…I should go now…" He muttered and bent to pick up his trousers. He risked a glance at the headmaster, he was gazing at Sirius with that same dark expression but he was making no move to stop him from dressing. So, as quickly as he could, he yanked on his trousers and grabbed his blazer before grabbing the door.

A voice stopped him. "If you say a word about this, boy, I will ensure you fail all your examinations until you turn sixteen."

Sirius bit down hard on his bottom lip before lowering his head. "Yes sir, thank you sir." He breathed, the same bland acceptance he used after his father had beat him, as if he had been done a favour. Angrily he yanked open the door and ran as fast as he could back to his room.

Sirius' feet pounded across the carpet as he ran to his room, he skidded to a stop outside the door and flung it open breathing heavily. He saw James sat with their dorm mates playing cards, James' eyes widened behind his glasses as he spotted Sirius' distress. Sirius took a breath. "Is the shower free?" He asked and got a nod from his class mates, he thanked them and grabbed his wash things before going to the shower rooms and stripping. His clothes he dumped unceremoniously on the floor and turned the shower to its hottest setting. He sighed as the water washed across his skin and he leaned his head on the cool tiles, he closed his eyes until he heard the door open and close and James entered the room.

"Sirius, what happened? You looked like you'd seen a ghost." James' voice echoed oddly in the confined space but Sirius felt more relaxed as he heard it.

"Mr. Rathburn he…" He remembered the teachers warning and sighed. "It's nothing, mate, I'm cool."

James leaned against the wall by the door, he stared at the shadow of his best friend that hid behind the curtain. "Alright, if you don't want to speak about it…" He sighed. "Oh, I got Lily's address!"

Sirius smiled. "Cool man, you gunna go see her?" He asked, raising his voice over the sounds of the water as he washed his hair.

"Yeah, I reckon so." James grinned to himself. "She didn't give it to me though, it was her friend Connie…she gave me her number for you."

"Awesome, she was into me."

"Everyone's into you Siri."

Sirius opened the curtain and stepped out, he was dripping wet and fully naked but seemed oblivious. He picked up a towel and began drying his hair. "Obviously, have you seen me lately Jamie?" He grinned, it was easier to push the weird episode out of his head with James at his side…it was easy to pretend it had all been his imagination.

XXX

Sirius' eyes opened with difficulty, he groaned heavily and rolled onto his side. There was something holding him down so he pushed it off. He gazed at his surroundings and sighed when he realised he was still at Tim's little underground club, his mouth tasted of crap and he was horribly dehydrated. He groaned again and rubbed his palms across his face, he needed a shave if the scratchy noise was anything to go by. He sat up and saw that he was surrounded by naked people, yet another day in the life of Sirius Black. His eyes travelled to the man at his side and he began shaking him awake. "Tim? Tim? Wake up."

Tim stirred with a groan and opened his eyes. "Wha'issit?"

"Listen mate, I'm gunna need my pay check…"

Tim sighed and looked sad. "Oh but Siri, you never fulfilled your promise last night."

"Promise?" Sirius frowned in confusion.

"Your little friend, the cute one with glasses, got away. You know what I said."

"Oh." Sirius sighed. "But I have no money! I have to eat, Tim. Please I-I'll…I'll make it up to you in any way I can, just please let me have the cash."

Tim ran a finger down Sirius' bare chest, his nail left a pink line. "Very well, I have one of my investors coming round in three days…if you can show him a good time I'll give you your money."

Sirius opened his mouth to protest but Tim raised an eyebrow and he closed it again, he was desperate. "Alright, what do you want me to do?"

"He's a man with very specialised tastes, all I want from you is utter obedience, is that clear?"

Sirius struggled with that but his stomach rumbled and he lowered his head. "Fine." He muttered.

"Excellent, be here the day after tomorrow and we'll get you prepped."

"Prepped? What do you want from me?"

Tim leaned forward and kissed Sirius' lips lightly. "Don't worry yourself over it, I will set everything up and when he's finished with you I will give you your money and if you're extra good I'll give you a bonus."

Sirius' eyes lit up. "A bonus?"

"I know a few people in the recording industry, they might want to hear a demo."

Excitement flared in Sirius' chest and his grin wiped away all worry from his face. "Then I'll be there!" He grabbed his jeans from where they lay over the arm of a chair and began changing. "Is there anything special I should wear? Or will I need anything?"

"Only that fine body of yours, honey. I will provide the rest."

Sirius paused and looked at Tim. "I'm not a whore…" He said slowly. "I'm not fucking some random guy for money."

"What have we been doing for the past year, Siri?" Time sighed and raked fingers through his hair, his eyes took on a steely gleam. "You've been spreading your legs for me in exchange for getting work…do you think this is any different?"

Sirius clamped his mouth shut and gazed at the shirt in his hand. "But this…this is different."

"Do you want the money or not? It's a simple choice."

Sirius considered his boss in silence for a moment before sighing and putting on his shirt. "Fine. Just don't expect me to do this every time, I'm sure there's loads of clubs that will want me…"

Tim smiled nastily. "Don't be so sure of yourself little puppy, you're not all that hot."

Sirius' hands clenched into fists but he bit his tongue on any retort, Tim was right, he had been round nearly every club in London or so it seemed and he hadn't managed to get a gig until the Three Moons. He dressed and left the club in silence, once he was outside he lit a cigarette and began walking back to his flat. He kicked at a drinks bottle as he passed it with a frown on his face. He was well and truly stuck now, Tim was actually whoring him out to random people which he wasn't all that sure about. Yet what choice did he have? Give up on his dreams and get a proper job? Go back to his flat and starve to death slowly? He shook his hair back from his face and sighed. No, he would die rather than give up, what was letting other people use his body when he would get his music heard? He smiled at that thought and began humming as he walked. He would do anything it took to climb to the top, even if it meant becoming a prostitute.

XXX

Sirius lay on his back in his flat, a half-empty bottle of beer by his side as he strummed his guitar slowly. He was surrounded by balls of screwed up paper covered in random scrawls of chords and lyrics. A pen sat behind his ear and he whispered to himself, he had caught the thread of a new tune and had been trying to give it form but so far he hadn't had any luck. A loud knock at the door made him sit up, he gazed at it for a moment.

"Sirius! Open up!"

Sirius sighed and stood up, holding his guitar around the neck as he pulled open the door and leaned against the frame. "Reg, what's up, man?"

Regulus was wearing the sixth form school uniform and he was glaring at Sirius slightly angrily. "Mother, that's what's up." He said angrily and barged into his brother's flat.

"Ah, the usual." Sirius sighed and shut his door with his foot. "Take a seat, I would offer refreshment but my servant hasn't returned with the shopping." He sneered as he sat down on his pile of cushions and dug around in his pocket for his cigarettes. "So, what's the hag done now?"

"Don't call her that!" Reg snapped angrily, he snatched Sirius' cigarettes from his hand and took one for himself.

"I'll call the mad old bitch whatever I want to." Sirius replied amiably. "Give them back, smoking's bad for you."

"I've been smoking since I was fourteen; don't tell me what to do."

Sirius grinned as he lit his own cigarette and threw the book of matches to his brother, he lay back and put one arm behind his head. "Ok, what's the deal?"

Regulus gazed around the dingy little flat with a sneer on his face before turning his eyes back to Sirius. "Father's in hospital."

Sirius lay still, his eyes closed and his cigarette dangling from between his lips. He didn't move a muscle except to say; "Oh."

Regulus stared at him with a frown. "Is that all you can say?! Our father is in critical condition! He could die! Don't you care?"

Slowly Sirius opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. "You know what? I don't reckon I do." He turned his head to look at Regulus who was glaring at him furiously. "What do want me to do? Break down and cry? Start trying to make amends for my despicable behaviour? Reg, I can't do it. The man hated me and the feeling was mutual. James Potter's parents were better parents than ours."

"You should go see him." Regulus said quietly, his face falling slightly. "He blames himself you know…"

"For what?"

"For you leaving, for you being…well…you know."

"Homosexual?" Sirius snorted and blew grey smoke from his lips. "A dirty great pouf? A pansy? A waste of oxygen?"

Regulus' face softened. "Sirius…he's dying and he misses you. Please, at least say farewell to him…"

"You know I've not even told my own boss that I just like men?" Sirius said slowly, a frown marring his face. "And he's a cross-dresser."

Reg fell silent, pity filling his eyes. "Maybe…maybe you should find a nice girl and settle down? It would stop people from being cold to you…it would stop the rumours…"

Sirius closed his eyes and pushed both hands into his hair. "But that's just it, isn't it?" He whispered. "No one wants to acknowledge that some people fancy the same sex…people…people are afraid of it. I can't tell anyone, I'd be killed. But I…I'm sick of hiding."

"I…I don't know what to say." Regulus whispered, leaning forward to flick ash into the ashtray.

"No. No you wouldn't understand." Sirius smiled bitterly and sat upright. "Alright, I'll go see him if it'll make you feel better, little brother." He reached out and ruffled Regulus' hair.

"Get off! I'm not a child anymore!"

Sirius laughed softly and smiled at his brother.

XXX

The Hospital was a place of white sterile walls, white uniforms and white faces. Sirius walked up to the reception desk and cleared his throat to gain the attention of the nurse.

"Yes, sir, how can I help you?" She gazed up at him with large, pretty eyes. Sirius smiled and her cheeks flushed slightly.

"I'm looking for Orion Black? He's my father."

"Ok, I'll just check…" She turned to a computer and began tapping the keys with a frown, then she turned and smiled at him. "He's on the fifth floor, room twelve."

"Thanks." He winked at her and began walking down the corridor. It didn't take him long to find the correct floor and room, Orion Black was in a private room with the best, most expensive care. Sirius stood before the door and stared at the handle as if it were a venomous snake, he slowly lifted his hand which seemed to suddenly weigh a tonne. When his fingers touched the door he heard his name called, he turned to see his brother running towards him with a smile.

"You came!" Regulus said, he beamed happily at Sirius as he came to a halt beside him. "Go on in." He opened the door and stepped aside, Sirius glanced at him before taking a breath.

The room was quiet, all he could hear was the steady beeping of the heart monitor, the place stank of chemicals and disinfectant, a horrible smell that stung his nose. He stared at the wasted form of his father lying in the bed with tubes coming out of him, he looked like a weird human/octopus hybrid. Sirius' feet took him to the bedside so he was gazing down into his father's face, he frowned. The man he had known, the man who had drunk himself into a stupor and taken his anger out on his eldest son was gone. What lay in his place was a yellowed, ancient version. "You're weak…" Sirius whispered softly as he leaned closer. The thing in the bed looked so frail and child-like Sirius could probably have broken his neck with a flick of his wrist, the twist of fate was almost funny and he smiled. "And so the tables are turned, sir."

The beeping machine skipped slightly as the thing in the bed stirred. Orion opened his eyes and blinked up at his son. "R-Regulus?"

"No, father." Sirius muttered with a shake of his head.

"Oh…it's the other one." Orion tried to sit up Sirius pushed him back down with one hand.

"You should rest, sir…I wouldn't want you to kill yourself." He said bitterly.

"I don't want that filthy hand on me, you useless…pathetic excuse for a man."

Sirius withdrew his hand, his eyes going dark and oddly blank. "You know you should be nicer to me or you'll go to hell…respect thy neighbour or whatever it was."

Orion choked out some wheezy breaths of laughter. "You will be going to hell, boy…not me…I don't have sex with other men."

Sirius gazed down at his father, it would be so easy to take one of the spare pillows and hold it over his face, his fingers twitched eagerly but he held still. "I'm already in hell, sir." He muttered quietly. "You made sure I got there."

"Good. You should suffer for what you did…" He began coughing violently, when it had subsided he glared at his eldest son. "You do know your mother and I wrote you out of our will?"

"I don't want your stinking money."

Orion frowned. "And you won't see anything of the money your Uncle left you…"

Sirius' eyes widened. "Alphard left me money too?" He asked.

"He did, but you won't see a penny of it, our lawyers will see to that."

Sirius bit down on his bottom lip. "You're fucking evil."

"You're not even human." Orion replied, he took hold of his mask and brought it to his face but his shaking fingers fumbled it. Sirius watched him struggle a moment before grabbing it and staring at it for a moment. He saw a flicker of terror in his father's eyes and couldn't help but smile.

"Do you think I'm going finish you off?"

Orion was too out of breath to speak, his chest rose and fell rapidly as Sirius leaned over him, his hair falling onto his father's face. He pressed his lips against his father's forehead. "There's a big difference between you and I, father…" He whispered. "I have a heart." He put the mask over his father's face and turned away, slowly he walked to the door but when he was there he paused. "Can I ask you one last thing?" He paused but only the sound of the oxygen tank answered. "Why did you try and kill me?"

Orion's breathless, cracked laugh sent agony into Sirius' stomach. "Who told you?"

"Alphard…He said that when I was a baby you tried to drown me and it was only because Grandma was there that you didn't succeed…but there were other times I do remember…when I was six you made me drink bleach. When I was ten you threw me from the balcony of the Manor…when I was twelve you pushed me through the ice of the lake…" He turned and stared hard at Orion who was grinning. "Why?"

"Because you're not one of us. You're a disgusting demon child…now, get out. I never want to see your face around here again…and you stay away from your brother, I don't want him getting funny idea's in his head. I don't want you to turn him."

"Turn him?" Sirius muttered slowly, his face twisted slightly, a mockery of a smile. "Oh, that's good! That's the best one yet!" He laughed humourlessly. "Turn him! Oh…oh you're a bunch of laugh's you are, father dearest! I'm not fucking contagious you disgusting old man! I hope you die slowly and painfully!" He stormed out the room, the door slamming shut behind him. Regulus was waiting for him outside looking concerned.

"Well? How did it go?"

Sirius sighed and leaned heavily against the wall. "I should have held a pillow over his face and done the whole fucking world a favour." He hissed furiously and turned on his heel. "Tell him to hurry up and fucking die already!" he stormed from the hospital, sending people dodging out of his way as he walked with single minded determination.


	5. Chapter 4

AN: Ah, unrequited love is the most painful…Contains scenes of angst, angst and Sirius running through the streets naked and scaring old ladies… :p

Chapter Four: Fool in the Rain

James stood outside the flat, he pushed the buzzer and waited patiently but again no one answered. He huffed and turned to walk away but before he could he heard the familiar roar of a motorbike and stopped. The street curved around a corner to his left, he turned his head in that direction and saw the huge bike roaring into view. He grinned as Sirius skidded to a halt and kicked the stand, he cut the engine with swift, practised movements as he lifted his head and spotted James. He climbed off the bike and ran to his friend, he flung his arms around James' shoulders. "Jamie…go drinking with me." He whispered softly, there was a catch in his voice that made James agree.

"Let me use your phone so I can call Lily, we were supposed to go on a date later…"

Sirius pulled away with a small frown. "Oh…then it's not an issue…we have plenty of time to hang, don't worry." He tried to smile but it didn't feel right on his face so he gave it up as a bad job. "Come in, man." He unlocked the door and they stepped into the flat.

"Sirius, what happened?"

Sirius stood in the kitchen making some tea, he paused in the act of adding sugar. "My father's in hospital." He said slowly. "I went to see him."

"What?! Why?"

"Because Reg wanted me to, you know I can't refuse that kid anything."

"But you hate him…" James paused as Sirius handed him a steaming mug of tea and settled down on one of the cushions. "What did he say?"

Sirius gazed into his mug with a blank face. "The usual lines…" he sighed heavily and put his tea on the floor. "Alphard left me some money."

James grinned. "That's brilliant!"

"Not really, Mum and Dad have put their lawyers onto it…I won't see a penny." He lay down on his cushions and gazed up at the cracked ceiling. "Jamie…there's something I should tell you…something I've never told anyone before…"

There was a knock at the door, Sirius swore and scrubbed at his face roughly before standing up. He opened it roughly. "What do you want?" He snapped at the person on the other side.

"Is that any way to greet an old friend?"

Sirius felt his mouth drop open as he gazed at his visitor. "No!" He whispered, eyes widening like saucers. "It's impossible!"

The boy at the door smiled and shook his head. "No, it's me."

"Remus John Bloody Lupin!" Sirius laughed as joy filled his heart, he reached out and yanked Remus off the floor in a giant bear hug. "It's been forever!"

"Ugh…" Remus wriggled free of Sirius' embrace and took a gulp of air, he laughed softly. "I'm back!" He said with a smile.

"Don't I know that voice?" James stood and moved to the door, he stood behind Sirius and spotted the guest. Suddenly a bright grin spread across his face and he laughed happily, pushing Sirius aside he grabbed Remus into a tight embrace. "Fuck! It's little Moony!" He gasped and released Remus enough to hold him at arm's length and look him up and down. "Wow! I thought we'd lost you for good, mate! This is awesome!"

Remus shrugged slightly, still smiling. "I'm back in the country now…are we going in or will we stand out here forever?"

Sirius pulled James backwards and dragged Remus into the flat. "Welcome home, Moony."

Remus smiled softly and dropped his rucksack on the floor. "Moony…I haven't been called that in years."

"It's because you were obsessed with werewolves." Sirius laughed. "Tea?"

"Yes please, I'm gasping!"

James plonked himself inelegantly down onto a cushion and patted the one at his side, Remus joined him and gazed around the place with curiosity. "So, man, how's Germany?"

"Oh, it's wonderful! The forests there are stunning and there's all kinds of fascinating historical places…ah, thank you Sirius." He took the mug of proffered tea from his friend and took a sip, he pulled a disgusted face. "Ugh…still can't make tea for yourself then?"

Sirius pouted. "I try…I just can't get the balance right…Mr. Kreacher was good at it…" He gazed into his own cup mournfully. "Hell, I can't even use the bloody toaster." He waved his hand towards the neglected looking device.

Remus laughed, filling the space with sunlight. "I missed you both."

"We missed you too Moons, it's been wrong without you here…" James said with a fond smile, he pushed his glasses further up onto his nose.

"So, Sirius…I knew you had moved out of James' but is this all you can afford?" Remus gazed around the bed-sit with a wrinkled nose. "Even I can afford better…"

"It's ok, I'm my own man and that's what counts." Sirius' grin held a note of bitterness that told Remus he had missed some important events.

"So, catch me up…what's the deal?"

James glanced at Sirius before speaking in a slow voice. "Well, Lily and I are dating…"

"Brilliant! I always knew you two would work through your issues." Remus sipped his tea again, trying not to make a disgusted face.

"Yeah, well, it was hard going there for a while…I thought she'd never look at me with anything but disgust but eventually, through sheer persistence we got together." He sighed and his eyes softened. "She's amazing, Remus…"

Sirius looked away from James' face. "I got a job doing gig's." He said to try and distract himself.

Remus smiled at him. "Wow! That's amazing, Sirius. Where?"

"The Three Moons. It's small but it's a nice venue, the boss is alright as well…I get a good crowd."

"I'm happy for you."

"What's new with you Moonikins?" Sirius asked, he leaned back and lit a cigarette before offering them around. Remus refused with a shake of his head.

"Well, I managed to get into a really good university Fachhochschule für Wirtschaft in Berlin…"

"Art?"

Remus smiled. "Of course. My parents are very happy…" His smile became slightly dreamy and he sighed. "There's this girl…"

Sirius and James smirked at each other. "A girl?" They asked in unison.

"Her names Ada Eichel…She's beautiful."

"Ah…lookit him! He's all growd up!" James sighed.

"We raised him well, Jamie, looks like he's trying to flee the nest!"

Remus laughed at their words. "I flew the nest when I left for Germany."

James and Sirius sighed in unison before leaning towards each other and resting their heads together, the move was so reminiscent of their time at school that Remus suffered a moment of intense nostalgia. He smiled. "Our Remus back once again." They said, as always with impeccable timing, it was as if they were reading each other's thoughts. This was something unique to them, it had scared many in their classes.

"So, what's really been happening here? I had the impression you were discussing something serious when I arrived…" Remus watched Sirius' face fall and he stood up abruptly, keeping his eyes averted he began clearing up their used cups.

"Yeah, what were you going to say Sirius?" James asked, he watched Sirius' shoulders straighten as he went to Kitchenette. "Something you've never told anyone before…?"

Sirius stared down at the dirty plates in the sink, he sighed and closed his eyes. "I might as well say it…" He whispered and turned around to face his best friends. "I…" He swallowed the hard lump in his throat and frowned. "I don't know how to say it…" He said quietly, his eyes darkening. "I just…I can't explain at all…I mean…it's hard. I've kept it a secret for so long…" He ran fingers through his hair and leaned against the work top. "Have you ever wondered why I've never had a girlfriend?" He spoke in a voice so quiet Remus had to listen hard to catch it.

"Well no not really, I thought you just liked a shag with no strings…" James said and then he frowned. "Wait…wait a minute…" He stood and took a step towards Sirius. "A-Are you trying to tell me that…that you're…"

Slowly Sirius lifted his head, his heart was beating far too quickly considering the fact that he was standing still. "I'm…I'm g-gay…" His eyes were dark as he awaited his friend's reactions.

"You mean…you just like men? You don't like women at all?" James said slowly.

Sirius merely nodded, he pulled his jacket sleeve over his hand and began fiddling with it in an almost childish gesture. Remus sighed from where he still sat on the floor, he smiled a little. "You know not everyone's as old fashioned nowadays…"

Sirius gazed at him with wide eyes. "You mean…you don't mind?"

Remus' laughter was bright and eased the tension in Sirius' shoulders. "Of course not! Why would I care about that? You're still my friend." Sirius fell back against the work top and lowered his head, his fingers dug into the hard stone and his shoulders shook slightly. James stepped forward but as he reached out to touch him he withdrew his hand quickly as Remus stepped to his side, he grabbed Sirius' shoulder and forced him to look up. "We'll never stop being friends, Sirius." He said with a smile.

"I have the best fucking friends anyone could ask for…thanks." Sirius' smile was slow but once it was going it burned bright. He grabbed Remus and hugged him tight, his fingers fisting in his shirt. "I love you man…"

James watched Sirius feeling very lost, he had thought he had known all there was to know about him. The revelation that he was Gay wasn't nearly as shocking as he had expected, it did however make him feel lost. He felt as if Sirius was changing, slowly turning into a man he didn't know and the thought terrified him in a way he couldn't explain, as he watched Sirius embracing Remus he had never felt so alone and as if he wasn't even there. Finally Sirius released Remus and turned to James, their eyes met for an intense moment and Sirius opened his mouth but no words came to him. James took a slow breath. "Your boss said that you were Bi…" He said quietly.

"Yeah, that's what I told him…at least then I would still be a little more…manly." Sirius' mouth twisted bitterly. "Taking it up the arse isn't very good for the old Masculinity in you straight people's eyes…"

James winced at the language and Sirius' face fell. He should have said something encouraging, to assure Sirius that he was ok with his sexuality, to tell him he didn't care…but he couldn't form the words, he simply stood there opening and closing his mouth, rooted to the spot by the shock of realising Sirius wasn't who he pretended to be. That his best friend had been lying to him for years and hadn't even bothered to let him in on a secret. "We…we were supposed to be brothers…" James croaked slowly.

"James…" Sirius' eyes lit up in agony. "Jamie…I'm sorry…"

"James, he's still Sirius…he's still the boy we hung around with at school…" Remus said but James shook his head quickly.

"No…no he's not!" He stepped backwards on impulse as Sirius reached for him. "You've changed Sirius…I…I don't know you anymore! All the drugs, all the lies, all…all the sex! Why wouldn't you tell me?! We're supposed to be best friends!"

Sirius' eyes widened but he couldn't move. "Jamie…"

"You've changed!" James gasped, his eyes darting over Sirius' face as he tried to find the boy he had once known. "I…"

Sirius sank to the floor and sat there with his hands in his hair. "I'm sorry, James. I knew I shouldn't have said anything…I hope you can forgive me."

"F-Forgive…?" James paused, confused by those words. "Forgive what?"

"Forgive me for being…what I am." Sirius muttered and wrapped his arms around his knees, he looked so small and vulnerable that James felt wrong footed. "I'm sorry but I can't help it! I hate women! I don't like their squidgy breasts…their bits…they disgust me…If…If I could change I would, I promise you! I'd become anything for you Jamie…"

Remus raised an eyebrow at James, awaiting his reaction. Slowly James shook himself mentally, he dropped to his knees and grabbed Sirius' head in both hands. "You twat." He whispered. "That's not why I'm angry!"

Sirius frowned and opened his mouth to speak but before he could answer James' lips were against his, his eyes flew open as his best friend pushed him against the cupboard at his back and he felt those wonderfully warm lips against his own. Heat flushed through his body and he let a soft groan escape him, his eyes fell half-closed as he pushed his fingers into James' messy hair and dragged him away. "J-Jamie…what the fuck…?"

James looked just as confused as he did. Remus stifled a chuckle and turned his back as he fought for control over his emotions. "I…erm…I…I thought…I don't…Bollocks." He released Sirius and sat back on his haunches. "Sorry, man…"

Sirius gazed at James through glittering eyes, his hair was messy around his face and he had a pink-ish tinge high on his cheek bones. "James…do you…?"

"No!" James' eyes widened and he leapt to his feet, he shook his head quickly. "No…It's not that…I just wanted to show you that I'm cool with it…With you being gay I mean…"

Sirius felt a little disappointment but the fact that he wouldn't lose James' friendship buoyed him and he jumped to his feet. "Weird way of showing me but I suppose I am simply irresistible." He smirked and James flushed, his eyes narrowing irritably.

"Don't let it go to your head Black, I've got a woman."

That evening James phoned Lily to tell her of Remus' unexpected visit, she told him they could rearrange their date and she understood his need to be with his friend. He hung up with a smile and a soft sigh. Sirius' laughter shook him from his day dreams of his girlfriend and he turned to see Sirius and Remus laughing together, his smile widened and he ran to them…with a jump he landed on Sirius. They rolled around as they play fought, James trying to pin Sirius beneath him and Sirius trying to prevent it. Remus grinned at them both, he had dug out some German beer from his rucksack and they were all rather tipsy. Suddenly Sirius gave a loud yelp as James managed to pin his arms above his head, he was trapped beneath him and they locked gazes. For a long moment it was as if the world had condensed to contain just the pair of them, Sirius' lips parted slightly and James could see several strands of hair trapped between his lips. No one spoke or even moved for a long moment, James' own lips tingled as he remembered the feel of Sirius' he found his body moving of its own accord and before he could stop himself he was leaning forward over his friend. Sirius' eyes widened slightly in surprise but his head moved to the side almost invitingly.

Remus watched while he sipped his beer, he was interested to find out who would snap out of it first and stop what would potentially be a disastrous kiss. He knew that soft, gentle look in Sirius' eyes, he recognised it as one he had seen on the faces of many lovers before…Sirius was in love with his best friend. Logic told him it was dangerous and stupid, not only could it put them both in jeopardy but it could hurt a great many people. Remus made to move forward to break the moment but before he could he saw Sirius tense and with a quick jerk of his body he threw James off. Slowly Sirius sat upright, he was smirking triumphantly but there was an air of disappointment about him. "I win, Potter." He said.

James picked himself up off the floor and grinned. "For now…but you wait! I'll get you back for that little trick."

They whiled away the hours drinking heavily, smoking and being rather rowdy. They played games of cards, a board game called Pass-out and eventually their games degenerated into a game of truth or dare.

"Remus!" Sirius declared, swaying where he sat leaning heavily on James and grinning drunkenly. "Truth or Dare, sir!"

Remus considered for a moment before smiling. "Truth."

"You're boring…" Sirius muttered as he took a swig of his beer. "Alrigh' then…have you lost your precious flower?"

"Of course I have! I did in our fourth year if you remember…you tried to ruin it for me."

Sirius considered for a second before giggling. "Oh yeah! That was at Jamie-boy's sleep over!"

"Ok, my turn…Sirius, truth or dare?" Remus asked.

"Dare, obviously." Sirius smiled deviously, he had the familiar glitter of mischief in his eyes.

"I dare you to go outside and run once down the street…"

"That's no fun!"

"Naked." Remus smirked.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Like I care about being naked, Remus! Alrigh' then…" He stood, handing his bottle to James as he stripped off his t-shirt to reveal a chest with a light smattering of dark hair, he undid his jeans and pulled them down but had difficulty kicking them off his feet. He lost his balance and fell on his arse. "Woah!" He muttered and giggled as he finally extracted himself from his jeans, with one swift movement he pulled off his pants. James was surprised by what he saw, he hadn't seen Sirius naked since they shared a dorm together. He was lightly muscled and slim but not skinny, his treasure trail was a dark, tantalising line down his abdomen. James tried to stop himself from staring at the rather impressive cock that dangled between his legs but it was as if he'd been hypnotised. Sirius planted both hands on his hips and stood there with a drunken smirk. "Like what ya see?" He asked loudly.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Now get out there and do your dare."

Sirius laughed insanely and went to the door, he yanked it open and dashed out into the night. Remus and James stared at each other for a split second before laughing, they got to their feet and ran after him. They saw a pale form jogging casually down the tarmac road, occasionally waving at windows. Remus was giggling madly, tears spilling down his cheeks as he gripped James' shoulder to hold himself steady. "Oh…oh I-I missed…I missed this…" He gasped as Sirius came jogging back, each stride as easy as if he was wearing clothes.

James shook his head with a small smile. "Idiot…" He said fondly as Sirius came to a halt before them, he was grinning manically and his eyes glittered.

"I reckon I gave the old lady in number five a heart attack." He said with a bark of laughter, he pushed past his friends.

As the night wore into early morning it found Sirius singing, he had his guitar in his hands as he played to accompany his lyrics.

Remus joined in, now far past caring he was so intoxicated. James clapped along with them with a silly grin on his face, his glasses lopsided. Sirius' voice rose above the others as he closed his eyes, he hit every note smoothly and no one would have been able to tell he had been drinking. Finally they ended the song and lay in a heap on Sirius' cushions, occasionally chuckling but otherwise they were quiet as exhaustion entered their limbs.

Sirius opened his eyes when he was certain his friends were asleep, he turned his head to look at James' sleeping face. His smile was gentle and sweet as he carefully reached up and removed James' glasses, he folded them neatly and put them aside so they wouldn't get broken. Then, before his nerve failed him he leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to James', he only held the contact for a second but he could feel those slightly chapped lips against his own and he shivered in delight before pulling away. He ran his tongue over his own lips, savouring the taste of James as he gazed at him through his hair. "Jamie…" He whispered in a voice that wavered slightly, he smiled to himself and closed his eyes.


	6. Chapter 5

AN: Warning: Chapter contains scenes of BDSM. Pairing: SB/LM.

Chapter Five: The Song Remains the Same

Sirius knocked on the door and waited with one hand in his pocket, he glanced up at the building and took in it's neat, new exterior. He was nervous about his appointment but he had to do it, he had to have his music heard. The door opened revealing Tim in all his glory, he was wearing a blond wig with a tight black dress. "Ah, excellent!" He said and pulled the door open fully. "Come on in Honey."

Sirius stepped over the threshold and entered into a well lit hall way, a small table stood by the door with a vase of fresh flowers on it. "Nice place." He said absently.

"I know." Tim drew Sirius into the living room and sat him in a seat. "Now then, my investor will be arriving at seven, we need to get you ready."

"What will that involve exactly?" Sirius leaned back as Tim hung over him.

"Oh, it won't hurt! Just a little make-over."

"Make-over?" Sirius arched an eyebrow in curiosity. "Why? What's wrong with the way I look?"

Tim sighed. "Don't get me wrong Honey you're gorgeous, it's just that this man is very…particular about his…pets."

"Pets?" Sirius stood up suddenly. "What's that mean? I'm not doing anything weird!"

"No, it's not weird, Sirius darling." Tim assured him as he gently guided him back into the hall, he took Sirius upstairs and into a large bedroom. It was meticulously neat with cotton sheets on the large double bed and fresh flowers on the side board. "Now then, sit down and I will get you ready." He smiled happily as he bustled about the room, Sirius sat down on the bed still feeling nervous. Tim rummaged around in a wardrobe and withdrew some wrapped packages, these he threw onto the bed. "Now then, take a shower and get changed. I will be waiting downstairs for the finishing touches."

Sirius sighed and pushed fingers through his hair as he was shown the bathroom, he showered and washed his hair before getting out and drying himself off. Once dry he wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the first package, what he saw made him recoil slightly. "For god's sake!" He exclaimed suddenly. What Tim deemed 'clothing' was, in actual fact, little more than a few studded leather straps that wound around the chest. The other package contained a pair of seat-less leather trousers and a studded jock strap. He gazed at the items with mixed curiosity and disgust, he didn't want to wear them but what choice did he have really? He reached for the straps and held them up to the light. "Well…I guess I'm too far in to back out now." He muttered to himself. "Come on, Siri, get your shit together. It's just BDSM…" He shivered and bit down on the inside of his cheek before forcing his concerns aside and putting the garments on. He stood for a moment before the full length mirror on the inside of Tim's expansive wardrobe, turning to one side and then the other he admired his reflection. He had never felt so vulnerable in his life, his arse was fully on display along with the tops of the inside of his thighs. The leather smelt familiar which was a slight comfort but he still felt nerves gnaw at his guts. The electric lights were merciless, highlighting the half-day growth of beard on his cheeks and every scar on his body. He ran a finger down one particularly vicious one down his side and sighed softly, he remembered the flash of steel, the spurt of crimson as his blood had left him and worst of all he remembered the hatred in his mothers eyes as she had attempted to disfigure him for life. It had been his cousin Andromeda who had stopped his murder, she had rushed in, easily disarming the manically depressed woman and throwing her out of the way. He had never forgotten that moment, he had been thirteen years old and fully aware that his mother had been on experimental drugs for some kind of mental disorder, but he had still been determined to go to the kitchen and steal some alcohol from the cupboard. Unfortunately Walburga had caught him…

"_You stupid, useless brat! How dare you steal from me! Who are you?! What do you want from me?! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!"_

He shuddered and closed his eyes, the screams echoing in his head a moment before he took a sharp breath and pushed them back. He had more important things to concentrate on. He opened his eyes, a determined gleam entering them as he stared into his own eyes. He saw his mother, snarling in rage as she brought the knife down towards him. He saw the flicker of insanity in those terror-filled orbs and he felt the sharp agony as metal pierced flesh. A terrible smile spread across his handsome face, it was a smile that revealed his teeth in all their perfection. "I'm going to survive." He whispered to himself, running a hand down the mirror. "I'm going to live…I'm going to become famous…if only so I can spite you! All of you!" He chuckled and turned away from his reflection, the mental image of his mother turning on the television and seeing his face on Top of the Pop's made a rather satisfying warmth spread through his chest. He would like to be able to see her when she saw him. He wanted to show her how he wasn't useless, how he could be more than they ever dreamed he could; How his sexuality didn't matter to his fans and that all they wanted was for him to play.

Tim's eyes lit up when Sirius appeared in the living room, he smiled like a crocodile, all gleaming teeth and devilish eyes as they devoured Sirius hungrily. "Oh don't you look scrumptious, darling! I could just eat you up right here…" As he spoke he glided over and pulled Sirius close to him using the criss-cross straps across his chest. Gently, teasingly he ran a long finger nail down Sirius' bared chest until coming to rest just above his waist line. "Now, I'm not normally one for leather but mmm…you look _delicious_…" He chuckled and released him. "Right, now you're dressed sit down and I will do your make-up." He patted a chair in a suspiciously friendly manner.

Sirius balked before Tim raised an eyebrow, cutting off any protests Sirius may have had. Instead he clenched his hands into fists and sat down. The sofa was scratchy against his bared buttocks but he didn't complain, he didn't dare when Tim got out his 'torture' equipment. He had a whole array of tweezers, strange metal devises that he insisted were eyelash curlers and heaps of multicoloured lipstick and eye shadow. Tim got straight to business, plucking Sirius' eyebrows, giving them more definition and shape before adding a tiny amount of kohl pencil around his eyes to give them depth. He stepped back to admire his handiwork and sighed in delight. "Perfection!" He declared.

Sirius gazed at his face in the mirror, his eyes definitely seemed darker, the kohl gave them a deeper set and exaggerated the darker hues of dark grey in his irises. "Ok, so what now?" He asked after handing the small, hand-held mirror back.

"Now, the finishing touch before I take you to where you will await your Master."

Sirius pulled a face at the use of 'master' but said nothing as Tim dug around in a bag, he withdrew a black leather dog's collar with a little flourish and a 'taa daa!'. Sirius blinked at it. "No! No fucking way!" He stood up abruptly and backed off a step. "I'm not someone's sex slave!"

Tim sighed softly. "Oh Siri, we were doing so well…" He slid off of the sofa and grabbed a handful of Sirius' hair in one fist, he dropped the feminine titter and his voice became much deeper. "Look, I've got a lot running on this night and if you fuck it up for me I'll have you cleaning boots for the rest of your miserable life. Do you understand me?"

Sirius winced as his hair was yanked roughly. "Get the fuck off of me!" He hissed through his teeth, gripping Tim's wrist in one hand.

Time smiled, a nasty expression at complete odds with his soft tone. He leaned towards Sirius' ear and whispered; "I could destroy you, Black." He breathed. "Do you want to sell your music or not?"

That got Sirius' attention, he stopped struggling and gazed at Tim warily. "Yeah, 'course I do but…"

"Then you will do everything I say, boy. I can make this go easy for you if you're compliant, if not then I can force you and that would be unpleasant for the both of us. Now, which will it be?"

Sirius licked his lips before relaxing. "I-I…I'll do it." He breathed.

Tim smiled and reverted to his feminine demeanour. "Very good, Siri. I knew we could come to an understanding, now then…" He reached up and put the collar around Sirius' throat, he tightened it a little more roughly than necessary and Sirius choked. "Here, take some of this…it's good shit and it'll make everything go a lot smoother…" He took a little plastic packet from somewhere inside his fake cleavage and tipped three tablets into Sirius' open palm. Each little white pill had 714 printed onto them, Sirius frowned slightly.

"What are these? They're not anything like what I've taken before."

"These, my friend, are Ludes. A drug that will make everything you are about to experience ten million times better…go on, take your meds like a good little puppy." Tim smirked and folded his arms over his chest, he watched Sirius consider briefly before downing the pills dry. He swallowed and winced slightly before looking at Tim. "Good boy." Tim chuckled and smiled. "Tonight will certainly be a night you will never forget."

XXX

By the time the knock on the door came Sirius' eyes had fallen half closed and he felt a strange kind of drowsiness enter his limbs, it took Tim a rather long time to coax the stoned musician down into his cellar.

Sirius stumbled through the door and gazed sleepily around the room, it was bare stone walls with chains hanging from the ceiling and lots of strange leather contraptions. Tim guided him by the hand until he stood beneath the chains and began securing them to his wrists and legs, Sirius couldn't be bothered to stop him anymore. His head fell sideways and he groaned as warmth began to fill him, it was pleasant so he smiled. "Tiiiim…" He muttered and giggled drunkenly at the sound of the name.

"Shh, it's alright Siri darling. Here, open your mouth…that's a good boy." Tim placed a ball-gag between Sirius' teeth. "We don't want you accidentally biting yourself, do we now?" He smiled at his new acquisition. "Oh you were far too easy, boy…" He shook his head and uttered a soft laugh. "Much too gullible. The rich boys always are, dear…you are so pretty and it won't be long before you'll be relying on me for everything. Have fun tonight, darling."

The last Sirius saw of Tim was a small, almost evil smirk as he lifted a strip of black cloth and bound his eyes. He was left alone in total darkness, the rooms chill hardly affecting him as the heat in his groin became uncomfortable. He moaned around the plastic in his mouth and shifted. Time was meaningless in his darkness, it could have been minutes before he heard voices again or it could have been years. It didn't matter. When the door to the cellar next opened Sirius was giggling to himself for no reason, he was filled with a definite inexplicable euphoria and he couldn't help the odd, muffled gusts of giggles escaping around his gag.

"Is this him?" The voice was cold and smooth, like a silken blanket against Sirius' ears.

"It is. Just like you asked, dark haired and grey eyed…he was very hard to get hold of, Mr. Malfoy."

"Excellent…"

"Why so specific? Many of my customers give only vague preferences or none at all…why this one in particular?"

"Because…I used to know someone who looked like this…"

Sirius followed the sound of footsteps with his head as they circled him, he could feel cold fingers brushing his exposed skin and it sent sudden shivers of desire coursing through his veins. He moaned helplessly around his gag.

"Oh yes, he is…perfection."

"He wants to be a musician…" Tim said, the smile obvious in his voice. "He was rather easy to manipulate."

"A musician you say? Does he…does he play guitar?"

Time must have nodded as there was a brief heartbeat of silence before he spoke. "And sings like an angle. He plays in my club, if you're interested…"

"No. I hate music…but…this is impossible…it cannot be…"

"Sir, I wouldn't recommend that you…Ah, ok."

Suddenly light seared Sirius' vision and he winced, flinching violently away from it. He groaned and shook his head, lowering it so his hair blocked out some of the terrible whiteness. A cold finger under his chin made him lift his head and he blinked dazedly at his client, his eyes widened slightly as recognition flooded him. "Mmmff!" He mumbled through the ball between his teeth.

"You!" Malfoy said with wide eyes, he was exactly how Sirius remembered him. Long, silver blond hair with cold grey eyes, lighter than Sirius' own. "What are…how on earth…?"

"You two know each other?" Tim asked curiously.

"Indeed we do…I married his cousin."

"Ah, family…how…sweet."

Sirius gazed at Malfoy, he couldn't find it in himself to hate. He was enjoying the feeling of endorphins far too much to worry about the tall blond stood before him. His eye lids lowered and he let his head fall forward, he could only hope he would soon be able to relieve the insufferable ache in his groin. Malfoy trailed a hand down Sirius' chest, pausing on a nipple as he spent a few moments exploring his body. "I have…desired this for a very long time…cousin." He whispered and smiled. "Fate has been most kind, don't you think, Black?"

Sirius moaned helplessly. He could do little else.

"What have you given him?"

"Only some experience heightening drugs, he's fully in control of his thoughts…but his hormones are raging." Time said in a smug voice.

"Good…now leave us." Lucius Malfoy said, his eyes glued to Sirius'.

"Have fun then." Tim slid away and shut the door behind him, the room was plunged into semi-darkness.

"Oh how I will enjoy this, Black…seeing this face, twisted in pain and pleasure…there cannot be a more equal sight in all the world…" Malfoy leaned close, gently capturing Sirius' jaw in one hand, he kissed the ball between Sirius' lips. "Hmm…Now, I want you to say my name with those lips, I want you to scream for me…beg me…" He pulled out the gag and Sirius giggled helplessly, everything seemed very funny all of a sudden. Malfoy gazed at his prize, it was amazing how they had come together since Sirius had run away from his home Malfoy had been convinced he had lost all chance to test out his body but now…now he had him all to himself and he smirked as he removed his coat and tossed it to the side. "Now then…where should I begin?" He whispered seductively and pinched one of Sirius' nipples.

XXX

James sat in the restaurant with Lily, her sister and her husband. They were an awful couple who were condescending and overly judgemental of him. Not even the fact that his parents were rich would make them warm to him, they seemed to dislike him no matter what he did. As they started on the puddings James let his mind wander to Sirius, he hoped he was alright and wasn't getting into trouble. Without his volition his hand rose slowly and touched his lips absently as he remembered the feel of Sirius' against them, he sighed softly before catching himself and letting his hand drop to the table.

"James?"

He looked at Lily and smiled softly. "I'm alright." He assured her and kissed her cheek gently, she laughed softly and the sound set his nerves on fire.

XXX

"Do you like that, Black?" Malfoy whispered as he gently teased Sirius' nipples with the cold end of a riding crop he had found in amongst the toys on a table. Sirius moaned in response, his body tensing beneath the attention, his eyelids flickered and he felt his cock straining painfully against the inside of the jock strap. "I said; Do you like that?" Malfoy smacked him across the face, jolting Sirius out of his half-meditative state. The heat from the slap burned his cheek and he swallowed, his throat dry so it clicked.

"Y-Yeah…" His voice slurred as he tried to force his uncooperative tongue to work.

"Yes, what?"

Sirius blinked sluggishly, somehow Malfoy wasn't making much sense. He got another sharp slap across his other cheek. "Y-yes…S-sir?" He croaked, gazing at his cousin's husband through blurry eyes.

"Better." Malfoy smirked, slowly circling Sirius like a predator. He stood behind him, admiring the pert arse on display. "Now, this is very nice…perfect in fact…spread your legs."

Sirius tried to move but the chains restricted his movement, Malfoy sighed and released his ankles from his bonds. Sirius parted his legs obediently, his mind blown away with the drugs flooding his system. Without warning Malfoy pushed the cold, metal end of the crop past the tight ring of muscles in Sirius' arse. He smiled as Sirius jerked forward, almost losing his balance but the chains on his wrists prevented total collapse. Malfoy watched eagerly as the crop slid between those cheeks, he licked his lips as a soft whine escaped Sirius' lips and his head dropped forward. "Is it good? Tell me it's good…"

"Mmm…fuck…Y-Yes, sir…i-it's good…"

"You're lucky I decided to lubricate it first, wouldn't want to damage such a beautiful body." He pushed the crop in deeper, Sirius pushed back against it automatically, a long moan echoing through the room. "That's a good little dog…" Malfoy chuckled and moved so he stood behind Sirius and was whispering in his ear. "I hope you appreciate what a nice master I'm being, you deserve punishment for leaving your poor dear mother all by herself…"

"Nnng…shit…M-Mal-malfoy…"

"My name sounds good coming from your lips, dog." Malfoy muttered, he felt his own erection straining against his trousers and finally pulled the crop from Sirius. He released his restraints and let him collapse to the floor, slowly he walked around Sirius as he struggled to his knees. He moved over to the table and found a pair of police issue handcuffs, he smiled as he took them up and crouched behind his slave. With practised movements he cuffed Sirius' wrists together and returned his blindfold, roughly he dragged him upright to his knees and undid his own trousers. "Now, suck me." He hissed and forced Sirius' head towards his straining erection. Sirius opened his mouth and felt the press of Malfoy's cock against his lips, he widened his mouth and let his master force the whole thing down his throat. Somehow, he managed to prevent himself from gagging. Malfoy's moans filled his ears, somehow becoming ten times louder in his little dark world the effect made his hips jerk forward as they sought some kind of friction. He moaned around the obstruction in his throat, his hands twisting in the handcuffs at his back. Malfoy moved his hips in severe thrusts, his eyes were glued to Sirius' face as he watched his cock disappear between those lips and he smiled to himself.

After a while Malfoy dragged Sirius' head away and threw him roughly to the floor of the home-made dungeon. He regained his breath as he watched Sirius struggle to right himself, when he had he knelt and forced Sirius onto his front. "I can't wait any longer…to have you here like this…bound and ready for me…say my name, dog! Say it!"

Sirius felt his legs being parted by those cold hands and gasped. "M-Malfoy…"

"My _Name_ you fool!"

"L-Lucius…" Sirius breathed and heard Malfoy chuckle softly from behind him.

"Such a good little puppy…Here's your reward…!"

The pain was sharp and dull all at the same time, he gasped and his body jerked as Malfoy pushed his head into the floor. His wrists ached from the harsh metal surrounding them but he was so turned on he couldn't help but push his body backwards onto Malfoy's waiting penis. He groaned as his master took up a fast, jerky pace.


	7. Chapter 6

AN: A smutty chapter for you now, enjoy the smex. :D

Chapter Six: Dazed and Confused

James knocked hard on Sirius' door, when no one answered once again he swore loudly and kicked the mat out the way, there it was, shining in the sunshine like buried treasure. He smirked and picked up the little silver key, slipping it easily into the door and pushing it open. "Ignore me for days on end will you?! I'll show you Mr. Black!" He chuckled to himself and entered the flat, kicking the door closed behind him. He gazed around at the flat, it was dark with the curtains closed up tight over the only window. He sighed and walked to the window, yanking the curtains open and turning around again. There was Sirius standing at the bathroom door with wide eyes, he had a hair brush in his hand and damp hair falling to his shoulders.

"Jamie…Wha-?"

"I called you but your phones been cut off." James said, bouncing the spare key in one hand. He leaned against the wall and frowned at his best friend. "I haven't seen so much as a hair of you for nearly a whole week, mate."

Sirius' eyes moved away from his, a momentarily dark look passing across his handsome face. "Yeah…well…been busy, haven't I? Why you gotta kill my buzz?"

James let his eyes rake Sirius' clothing, he was dressed like a school boy in his old uniform. His tie hung half-way down his chest and his shirt was open, the marks on his chest were obvious in the sunlight streaming from the window. "Sirius…"

Sirius smiled but it lacked his usual joy. "So, what you doing here?" He said, smoothly covering the bruises on his body with his shirt.

"To see you." James replied sternly, his shoulders tensed as Sirius lowered his head slightly. "Where've you been?"

"Oh…working…" He said vaguely and walked to his kitchenette.

"Working? Really?"

"Yeah…why would I lie to you mate? Cuppa?"

James frowned and folded his arms across his chest. "Then why has everyone I asked told me you haven't been seen since Saturday?"

Sirius froze, keeping his back firmly to his best friend he chuckled, but the sound was stiff. "I…I got a gig elsewhere…it's not a big deal but I'm…I'm getting paid more for it." His hands betrayed him by shaking as he filled up the kettle.

"Why are you wearing your old uniform?"

"Oh…er…" Sirius licked his lips nervously, he could feel James' eyes boring holes right into his back. "…Stage gear, ya'know? Really get's the crowd going."

"Right…" James said doubtfully. "Have you been able to afford to pay your phone bill?"

Sirius turned his head to look at the phone, the cable of which was unplugged. "Y-Yeah…I guess…" he said slowly. In all honesty he had forgotten to pay it, but he knew James would just worry or would pay it for him before he could prevent it. "It's just unplugged…I've been having some late nights so I don't want to be disturbed."

"Sirius…" James sighed, running a hand through his messy locks. "Are you sure you're alright?"

Sirius turned, a bright smile on his face. "'Course I am, Jamie. Why the hell wouldn't I be?" He spoke in an overly bright voice that told James something was wrong. James eyed him suspiciously for a second before taking several rapid steps towards him, Sirius could only widen his eyes in surprise as his shirt was ripped open and he was slammed against the kitchen counter top. The kettle full of water fell from his fingers and hit the floor, water sloshed over his shoes but he couldn't feel it. He found himself gazing into a pair of fantastically brilliant hazel eyes, eyes that haunted his darkest dreams. He swallowed a lump in his throat and tried to speak but he couldn't summon up the words, his body flushed with heat as James' closeness created a fire within him. James had hold of his wrists tightly, holding his hands away from his body as he gazed down at his bruised chest with narrowed eyes.

The tension in Sirius' body was obvious at such a close range, James could feel his pulse hammering against the tips of his fingers as he pressed them into his best friends wrists. He gazed at the random jumble of bruises and scratches interspersed with old scars and some deeper looking wounds that could only have been fresh. He dropped one of Sirius' wrists and ran a finger over what looked like a cigarette burn just above the line of his trousers. Sirius shuddered and bit down hard on his lower lip as he let his head fall forward to hide his face behind his hair. James let his finger slide lower, slipping beneath the belt of the trousers, Sirius opened his eyes slowly and lifted his head so their eyes met. Slowly, seductively, he licked his lips. "Jamie…" He whispered hoarsely, eyes almost as dark as a stormy sky and just as passionate. James couldn't speak, even as Sirius began leaning forward. Even as their lips touched he couldn't even move his hand except to slide it lower and beneath the fabric of those school trousers. He felt Sirius' breathing catch in his throat and his hips tilt forward slightly. He swallowed hard, his throat clicking in the heated silence. "James…" Sirius' voice came out in an extended hiss as James' fingers found his cock, they touched it lightly through the fabric of his underpants but it was like fireworks in his head. Even a light touch from James Potter was better than his best orgasm. He couldn't speak, other than to say James' name. He was terrified to break the exquisite tension that had them so wrapped up in each other's bodies and eyes. The outside world no longer mattered, all that did was that James' fingers tighten on his rapidly hardening cock and make him cum. Now. Now. _Now_! Sirius sighed, desperately wanting to close the tiny distance between their lips, but he couldn't. He couldn't in case James realised what he was doing and came to his senses.

Their shared breathing, the intense beat of their hearts were the only sounds in the universe. James gazed into silver eyes and drowned in them. The seconds ticked by with incredible slowness, he wondered if time hadn't just stopped and that soft ticking was coming from the throb in his groin, it seemed to be in perfect time. His fingers tightened around Sirius' erection, his own strained almost painfully against the fabric of his jeans but he could ignore it when a soft breath left Sirius' lips. His eyes flicked to them as they parted, he could see where Sirius had obviously been hit across the face with something, it had split rather recently. For some reason he wanted to kiss the tiny wound. Slowly he leaned closer, his mind consumed by the desire to hear Sirius whisper his name again. And he did. He moaned it and James shuddered. His lips brushed Sirius' and, just as he was increasing the pressure there was a sharp knock at the door.

Sirius watched James' eyes widen, he jerked backwards, stumbling and nearly falling backwards before righting himself. His eyes lingered on Sirius' bared chest for a moment and he opened his mouth to speak. "J-Jamie I-"

Sadness and pain entered James' eyes and he shook his head. "Who is he?" He whispered.

Sirius lowered his head and pulled his shirt about his body. "No one. It…It doesn't matter…please, just leave it."

"Sirius, your new boyfriend's hurting you! Can't you see that?"

Sirius looked up and blinked in surprise. "What?"

"I assume he's a new boyfriend? You would have told me if he was a casual fuck, surely?"

"Oh…oh yeah…I-I guess…" He was silently grateful for the change in topic and misconception, he was having a hard enough time hating himself, having James hate him too would destroy the last precious bit of sanity he had left. "But it's not what you think…I just…" The knock came again, Sirius turned to the door, a worried expression on his face. Lucius was early. "You should go…" He said softly, putting a hand on James' chest, he let it linger for longer than was appropriate but James didn't seem to notice.

"Is that…?"

"Him? No." Sirius said, a little too quickly. He smiled to cover his mistake but James was obviously not convinced. He pushed him towards the door before anymore questions could be asked. "Just go, I'll catch up later, yeah?" he flung the door open, pushing James outside. He paused and found himself face to face with a man with long, white-blond hair and a sneer on his lips. "Lucius…Please, come in." Sirius muttered, eyes averted from the intimidating man.

James sent a glare at him, he didn't like the way he looked. He hated it even more when he walked into the flat, as he passed Sirius he let his fingers catch in the washed strands of Sirius' hair. "Siri?"

"Go, Jamie." Sirius said with that unusual tense smile. He brought something forth from his pocket and took three tablets from the palm of his hand, then eyed the last with consideration before shrugging and downing that too. James had no other choice but to walk away, he was confused at the odd behaviour of his friend, confused and worried. Sirius swallowed the pills and gazed after James' retreating back, his eyes softened and he sighed as cold fingers were wrapped firmly around the back of his neck.

Lucius' hot breath tickled his ear as he whispered, "Is that one of your little fuck-buddies?" He asked.

"No. We're friends." He replied and let Lucius pull him backwards into his body, he was turned around as hands grasped his wrists.

"Are you sure?"

"Definitely…Master."

"Excellent. However, I am most displeased in your lack of punctuality, next time open the door faster and ensure you are dressed for me when I arrive. I would prefer for you to welcome me properly…shall we try again, my pet?"

Sirius nodded and took a step backwards, he dropped to his knees and lowered his head. "Welcome, master. I've been eagerly awaiting your presence."

"Better." Lucius bent at the waist and lifted Sirius' head up, his smile was cold and hungry. "Have you been following my orders?"

"Yes, sir. I…I haven't masturbated for a whole week." He said softly, he remembered the sheer torture that had been, being unable to touch himself while in the shower or in bed at night dreaming of James.

"There's a good boy, now then…I will wait while you straighten yourself out and today you will refer to me as 'Teacher' or 'Professor'…"

"Yes, professor." Sirius stood up slowly and tucked his shirt into his trousers, straightened his old school tie and gazed into those hated, cold grey eyes awaiting his instructions.

XXX

James lay his head in Lily's lap as she ran fingers through his hair, he frowned irritably up at the ceiling. "Are you alright, James? You don't seem to be very happy."

James huffed. "It's Sirius." He muttered and looked into his girlfriends green eyes. "He's been acting really weird recently and when I went to see him earlier I saw…" He remembered the feel of the skin of Sirius' cock against his fingers and shivered involuntarily, what on earth had he been thinking? He had a gorgeous girlfriend and he definitely wasn't gay! "…I saw bruises and injuries all over his body. For Christ sake someone had burnt him with cigarette! He's being abused by some new boyfriend and he's just…just allowing it! What can I do?"

Lily sighed softly, pausing in her tender motions on her boyfriend's hair. "There is very little you can do, James. Sirius is an adult, you can't protect him for the rest of his life eventually he had to grow up."

"But it's abuse! I remember what he was like when he was living with his parents, it wasn't pretty. Trust me, Sirius isn't emotionally strong, he's got this…this delicate side to him, almost as if years of abuse and suffering has made him so breakable. If we let this continue he'll destroy himself and there'll be nothing I can do to put him back together again." He pushed both hands into his hair and closed his eyes tightly. "I'm so worried Lily."

Lily smiled and kissed his forehead gently. "I know you are, it's what makes you a good friend…and it's one of many reasons I fell in love with you."

James opened his eyes and smiled, he lifted his hand and touched her face. "So it really wasn't pity for the hopeless rich boy who made a fool of himself all the time?"

Lily smirked. "Maybe just a little."

XXX

Sirius' finger nails dug into the soft wood of the desk he was bent over, his forehead rested on the cool surface and the room was filled with his gasping moans, soft noises of desperation as he arched his back like a kitten. The gentle vibrations of the vibrator sent shock waves of pleasure rushing through his over-heated body, he jerked and bit down on his bottom lip as Lucius angled the toy and found that special bundle of nerves that lay inside him. "Oh fuck…" Sirius whispered into the wood, his fingers scrabbling uselessly for purchase, he pushed back against the toy and heard Lucius chuckle.

"Have you been a bad boy, Black?" Lucius hissed into his ear, he jerked the toy and drew a sharp cry from his 'students' lips. "Hmm? You would do well to answer to your professor, boy…wouldn't want to end up in detention."

"Oh…Oh god…y-yes…yes I've been-nng…bad, very, _very_ bad, sir!"

Lucius smiled triumphantly and ran his finger nails down Sirius' back beneath his slightly torn school shirt. "Then you must be punished…shall I get my cane?"

Sirius moaned and arched his back again, the pace was tortuously slow, it was almost painful. A light smack on his sensitive arse made him aware that Lucius expected an answer; he swallowed and tried to clear his head. "Please sir; I need to b-be-ah-fuck…Punished…_Punish me_…"

Lucius grabbed Sirius by his hair and threw him into the wall, he left the long, white plastic vibrator buried inside his body as he pushed his legs apart with a knee and placed Sirius' hands against the wall. His trousers slid down around his ankles and Lucius grabbed Sirius' tie, he wrapped it around his head so that it was wedged firmly between his teeth. "Make a sound and I will not let you cum, do you understand?"

Sirius groaned and nodded as he pressed his forehead into the wall and closed his eyes. He felt cool hands caress his abdomen, they slid upwards and lightly pinched his nipples, making them harden. Sirius shuddered and bit down hard on his gag, one of Lucius' hands moved down and slowly slid over his ball sack, his hips jerked and he felt the vibrator press into his prostate which forced a soft gasp from his lips. His eyes opened to reveal little more than thin silver rings surrounding deep pools of utter black, the drugs ran through his system making every sensation ten times more exquisite. He began to move his hips back and forth, humping thin air helplessly as he sought some kind of friction against those questing fingers. They found the Vibrator and circled his stretched hole before being pushed inside, Sirius held his breath, desperately trying not to make any noise.

"Mmm, you're lovely, are you aware of that, Black?" Lucius muttered as he forced two fingers into the trembling body against the wall, sweat trickled down Sirius' neck and Lucius lapped it away with a casual flick of his tongue. "Alright, I will be lenient this time, you can make as much noise as you wish but I do not wish to hear any words from those beautiful lips." Sirius groaned and pushed desperately back against that probing hand, he closed his eyes as he established a rhythm that sent his body into overdrive. Maons, groans and soft, uncontrollable grunts escaped around his gag as he trembled violently. He desperately needed to cum, he was so, so close…just a little more…a little deeper…faster…harder…He jerked and gasped in shock as the fingers were ripped away and cool air caressed his back, he moaned in frustration and hit his head against the wall. Lucius returned and Sirius felt the roughness of something wooden sliding over the flesh of his buttocks, he knew what was coming and he pushed his arse out in anticipation. With a sharp flick Sirius felt the agonising sting across his flesh, he jerked and moaned loudly as his finger nails dug into the plaster in the wall. Lucius drew back and brought the cane back across his arse, agony and pleasure flared through every nerve and Sirius felt something twisting violently in his abdomen. He tensed as Lucius began a series of short, sharp smacks that seemed to send him into a delirium. Sirius arched his back with each strike, his body tingling and shuddering violently his shirt slid from his shoulders to reveal the pale column of his throat his moans got louder as he lost himself in the intensity of the pleasure/pain. He was helpless against it, heat pooled in his abdomen like lava and his eyes snapped shut. His toes curled in his socks as the vibrator buzzed and jerked with each rapid thrust of his hips, his orgasm was almost upon him. He cried out and nearly slipped down the wall. Lucius realised what was happening and he stopped his assault, he was panting slightly and grinning as he adjusted his erection in his trousers. He admired the criss-crossing network of tiny red marks that scattered Sirius' backside and upper legs. "You're not supposed to enjoy punishment, Sirius." He muttered as he stood behind his toy and gazed at him with hungry eyes. "Turn around and get down on your knees." He ordered and Sirius did as instructed, he turned black, fathomless eyes upon him and Lucius very nearly lost all composure. "My god you are beautiful." He breathed as Sirius fell to his knees and lowered his head in submission.

Sirius lifted his head as Malfoy slid a hand beneath his chin, his gag was ripped away and Lucius took a moment to swipe his thumb over his lips. Sirius knew what he had to do, he stared up at him with dark, lust filled eyes. "Please…Professor…Let me suck you off." He reached with his hands and tugged hopefully at his belt, he sustained eye contact and slowly licked his lips. "Please, I really want to taste you sir…let me…"

Lucius smiled. "Since you asked so nicely." He chuckled as he opened his trousers and pulled them down his hips to allow his swollen cock to spring forth. Sirius felt a strong hand tangle in his hair and his head was pushed forward, he took Lucius into his mouth and began sucking. The hand on the back of his head tightened its grip and his head was pushed and pulled back and forth, Lucius' hips moved in time and Sirius let his eyes fall closed. He could so easily imagine that it was James' cock he was sucking on…with that thought he became much less passive. He worked his tongue around the flesh in his mouth, allowing it to be forced deeper down his throat; he had learned long ago how to avoid gagging. Lucius' rhythm slowly disintergrated and it wasn't long before he yanked Sirius away from him and threw him to the floor. "Enough, get on your hands and knees. I want to cum inside you." Sirius groaned and did as he was told, he lowered his head and felt the vibrator removed before something hot and hard replaced it. He pushed his body back onto that delicious invader and felt Lucius grip his hips tightly. "Fuck, I'll never get enough of this. You're fantastic…ahhh, yessss…"

Sirius moaned and closed his eyes, allowing his imagination to run away with him. He felt a hand come around and begin stroking his erection in time with each thrust, once again he was full of fire. It wasn't Lucius, it was never Lucius. It was always James. The memory of James' fingers on his cock made him jerk backwards, his fingers clawing the carpet with sudden, animalistic desperation. One squeeze and twist and Sirius was coming undone in Lucius' hands, he gasped as the sheer force his orgasm short circuited his senses. He somehow managed to keep from moaning James' name, for which he was thankful for later. He felt Lucius pump hot liquid inside him and groaned as he was released and allowed to collapse to the floor, he lay still panting heavily and allowing the aftershocks of his orgasm wash through him. He smiled to himself softly as Lucius began changing.


	8. Chapter 7

_AN: Another chapter, I hope you enjoy this one…even though there is a distinct lack of smut. Thank you to all who have reviewed, I appreciate your support. :)_

Chapter Seven: Money

Lucius gazed down at the sleeping boy, shagging him had been fun but now that he had finally had his deepest desire it was high time for him to return to reality. He smirked and ran one long finger down the long scratch that crossed Sirius' abdomen, the boy stirred and slowly opened those exquisite silver eyes. Malfoy could clearly see the large bruise beneath his left eye, it made him smile to see it, he loved it when he could discipline his little whore, it gave him a sense of power he lacked back at his manor house. "Welcome back to the world, Puppy." He said and watched Sirius close his eyes again, he lifted a hand to his face and touched the bruise beneath his eye, he sighed softly.

"What did I do?" He whispered in a hoarse voice.

"You came before I gave you permission…but as you did you spoke the name of another. I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour."

"Ah." Sirius opened his eyes again and sat up, the sheets pooled around his waist and he gazed at Lucius through his fringe. "You're already dressed? What time is it?"

"It is half past ten in the morning and I must be going, after all I have a wife." Lucius stood and took two paces away from the bed, Sirius watched him with an expressionless face. He paused and rummaged around in his pocket, with a fluid movement he withdrew a wad of cash. "For your trouble, boy." Casually he threw it at Sirius who watched the notes float around him. "It was fun while it lasted however, even the best of things must come to an end. I shall bid you a farewell, I would say see you at the next family gathering but that is highly unlikely." He smirked as he watched Sirius gathering the money greedily.

"So…so it's over? I don't have to…?" Sirius looked up hopefully.

"Not with me. Narcissa and I intend to begin a family as soon as may be, I expect she would be most unimpressed if I were to continue fucking her little cousin." Lucius strode to the door but as his fingers brushed the handle he looked back over his shoulder, Sirius was counting the money with bright eyes. "Your mother sent word to me…" He began, his face serious.

Sirius looked up. "What did the old bat say?"

"That your brother has got himself into some trouble, by the sounds of it he was arrested recently for trafficking drugs for some rather well known gang…"

"He…he what?!" Sirius' eyes widened in shock.

"You heard me. He will not listen to reason but somehow I suspect he may listen to you. Good bye Black." Lucius left Sirius sitting clutching the money and gazing in shock at the door as it closed behind him.

XXX

Regulus yawned and rubbed sleep from his eyes, he heard his mother calling him from her bedroom.

"REGULUS! Regulus! The door! Someone is at the door! Hurry!"

"Alright mother, calm down, I'm on my way." Regulus replied through another jaw breaking yawn. He reached the bottom of the stairs and moved to the door glancing at Kreacher who was gazing at him as if slightly confused, he smiled. "It's alright Mr. Kreacher, I'll get it."

"As you wish young master Regulus." The man bowed and returned to the kitchen.

The door bell rang again and he muttered irritably before yanking it open, he found himself staring at his own reflection. For a split second confusion reigned before he realised who it was. "Sirius!" He gasped in shock.

"Reg." Sirius replied with his easy grin, he leaned on the door frame casually as he tossed a cigarette butt to the floor. He wore tight dark blue jeans, black leather cowboy boots and a slightly worn leather jacket but it was his eyes that made Regulus pause. He had a black eye, the bruise a horrid mixture of yellow and purple. "So, I wandered if you wanted to chat…we haven't spoken for months. I mean, if you're-"

"WHO IS IT, REGULUS?!"

The shout cut Sirius off and he lifted his eyes to the stairs beyond his brother's shoulder. "She still alive then?" He asked with a bitter bite in his voice. "I'm surprised she's lasted this long."

Regulus licked his lips nervously. "It's Sirius Mother!" He called and held his breath in the tense silence. "Er…you…do you want to come in?" Regulus asked nervously.

Sirius looked torn, his eyes moved to the ceiling before dropping back to his brother, he shifted on the spot before taking a deep breath. "My visit is important." He said roughly and stepped into his childhood home. He seemed to freeze in the hallway, his eyes lingering on the stairs, Regulus turned and saw their mother standing at the bottom. She had one bony hand resting on the banister while the other clutched her dressing gown closed. "Hello, mother. It's been a long time." Sirius said quietly, his face betraying nothing of his thoughts.

Walburga Black gazed at her eldest son before her face twisted, she ran down the last stairs and flew at him. Sirius was pushed back into the wall where he knocked down a portrait and the coat rack, he felt arms surrounding him tightly and froze. His eyes widened in shock as he realised his mother was embracing him. "Oh my poor baby!" She sobbed, her thin shoulders wracked with the strength of her emotion. "My poor, sweet little boy…out in the world all alone! I have been so worried about you, you've always been so delicate. So precious."

Sirius swallowed and tried to right himself, Regulus avoided meeting his eyes as he reached out and drew Walburga away from him. She slumped against him, still sobbing like a child. "Doesn't he look so much like me? He always did, such a bright child. Such a wonderful boy. Your father never did get over your loss…" She gazed intently at Sirius through the wispy strands of her greying hair, it had fallen down from its bun to frame her thin face. "You left us…" She said quietly and Sirius noted the change, it had taken him a few years to spot it and when he had learnt the signs he could usually escape before she could injure him too badly. He felt his body tense. "You left us here…you turned your back on us…on your heritage…on everything we ever gave you!" Her voice was rising hysterically now, her hands lifted to her face as tears streamed down her cheeks in an ever growing river. "How could you?! How could you leave?! Your father…he died…you killed him! I know you did!" Her voice became rough, her finger nails dug into her cheeks and drew blood. Sirius stepped backwards but found himself trapped against the wall, Regulus tugged on her dressing gown.

"Mother? Come on, let's get you upstairs…you need to take your medication."

Walburga pushed Regulus away and flew at Sirius again, this time her face was twisted in rage. "I COULD HAVE HAD A LIFE!" She screamed furiously, her hands coming up to rake at Sirius' face. Bloody lines appeared across his cheek and he winced, Regulus' eyes widened in fear and he tried to pull her off. "YOU DESTROYED ME! YOU TOOK MY LOOKS, MY PROSPECTS, MY WHOLE LIFE! ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE FREE OF YOU AND NOW YOU'RE BACK! WHY WON'T YOU DIE?! WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME IN PEACE?!" She lifted her hand and slapped Sirius hard across the cheek, leaving a stinging mark in her wake. Sirius slipped to his knees under her assault, he tried to fend her off by grabbing her wrists but she fought like a cat and tore out a chunk of his hair. His lip bled sluggishly and his wounds, although minor, stung as if there were salt in them. She smelt musty, her hair was in disarray and her eyes bulged in her white face. Sirius felt a terror he had not felt in years rise up in his chest, he felt his breathing catch in his throat and it was as if his heart was being squeezed.

"M-Mother…" He gasped as claw-like fingers found his throat, he choked, surprised by her strength. "…M-Mum…"

"You should be punished! You should be punished by God for what you do! For all that sin you commit! You should be drowned in fire, your vile soul tormented for all eternity for the disgusting things you do. You are no child of mine! Your father died cursing your name…you are a demon! A demon sent to me by Satan! You disgusting creature! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

Sirius' fingers closed around one of her delicate wrists and he tried to pry her fingers from his throat, big black flowers began to bloom across his vision and he saw Regulus pulling on her shoulders and shouting. Suddenly Walburga screamed, she released Sirius who fell forward onto his hands gasping and coughing as he rubbed his bruised throat. Regulus fell backwards with his mother on top of him, both were panting heavily. Walburga turned back to Sirius, her eyes shining with sorrow as more tears flowed down her cheeks. "Oh my poor sweet baby, what on earth happened to you?!" She gasped and pulled Sirius to her; she cradled his head against her chest and began rocking back and forth. "Have you been out fighting with that Potter boy again? I have told you countless times to stay away from him, he's such a bad influence on you. I wish you would listen to me…I wish…I wish…" She trailed off and her eyes misted over, her grip loosened on Sirius and Regulus gently pulled her to her feet again.

"Mother, you have to take your medicine." He said quietly, fear written all over his face. He was as white as a sheet as he met Sirius' gaze. As they reached the stairs Walburga paused, she was leaning heavily on her youngest son as she turned her head and met Sirius' gaze. "Mother?" Regulus asked in a nervous tone.

"Oh, we have a guest." She said brightly, lifting her free hand to touch her messy hair. "I do apologise, I must look a state…please wait in the drawing room while I compose myself. Mr. Kreacher will get you refreshments while you wait, I will be down in just a moment." She smiled and began walking up the stairs, Regulus shot Sirius a glance and saw his eyes wide with shock before following his mother.

Sirius sat back on his heels and stared up at the ceiling, he could still feel her fingers around his neck. She looked so fragile yet had immense strength, he had been so overwhelmed and confused by the events he had failed to attempt to defend himself. It was stupid, he was an adult now, he shouldn't be sitting there and just allowing his mother to strangle him again but the minute he had seen her eyes turn cold he had been thrown right back to his childhood and had been rendered helpless.

When he had finally regained his breath Sirius stood and picked up the fallen coat rack, he bent and also lifted the portrait he had knocked off the wall. It showed a man wearing a purple smoking jacket, he had a smile on his face and his hair was neatly cropped, on either side of him was another man and a woman. The woman was Sirius' mother when she was younger, he could see her hand covering her bulging stomach and her stern expression. When the painting had been commissioned Walburga had been pregnant with him, the man in the centre was Sirius' favourite Uncle, Alphard. The other man was Narcissa, Bellatrix and Andromeda's father, Cygnus. For a moment Sirius smiled down at the image of his late Uncle, he remembered the man fondly. He replaced the painting and with a glance over his shoulder moved towards the stairs, he ran a hand across the scarred, worn banister and remembered the pain he had felt when his father had slammed him into it. The wood had splintered but they had had it fixed soon after.

Regulus found his brother in the drawing room, he was gazing at the photograph's above the fireplace. He couldn't see his brother's expression but he could see how tense his shoulders were, with a steadying breath he entered the room. "She's resting." He said and saw Sirius turn, he held a photograph in one hand, Regulus looked at it and saw himself as a baby sat in his brother's lap who was grinning broadly. "Mother tried to throw it out after you left but I saved it."

Sirius looked down at it and put it back, he shrugged his broad shoulders and pushed both hands into the pockets of his jeans. "Yeah, well…she obviously doesn't like having reminders of me in the house…" He paused, his mouth twisting bitterly as he stared at the ancient family tree tapestry upon the wall. His shoulders hunched as if he was trying to protect himself from all the horrible memories the house forced him to re-live.

"She burnt you off the moment the door closed after you." Regulus muttered, gazing at the sooty mark where Walburga had used their father's cigar to erase Sirius' name. "She was…never the same."

Sirius shot him a sullen glare. "If I'd stayed I would have been killed."

"If you'd stayed you could have-"

"I'm not here to talk about that." Sirius interrupted him with an angry gesture. "I'm here to talk about you, little brother."

Regulus felt the colour drain from his already pale face, he looked away. "So, who told you?" He asked.

"Lucius Malfoy of all people." Sirius replied, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the wall. "You were caught trafficking drugs?"

"Hardly." Regulus waved the accusation away with one regal hand. "I was given some ludes by a friend of mine, he's heavily involved in some gang who deal in drugs, prostitution and the likes. I was only looking after them."

"How many did he give you?!" Sirius asked in a shocked voice.

Regulus avoided Sirius' gaze. "Everything he'd made." He said guiltily. "But I swear I was just supposed to be looking after them until the Police had finished investigating him!"

"And you just took it?!" Sirius shook his head slowly. "I never thought you could be that stupid, Reg."

"Sirius, I thought I was doing him a favour, I'm not into all that. I've never taken drugs and never would."

Sirius sighed. "That's not the point, you just need to be more careful, you don't want to be sucked into these people's worlds…trust me, It's a horrible life."

Regulus heard the sadness in Sirius' voice and frowned slightly. "That sounds like you speak from experience…" He said doubtfully, Sirius merely smiled sadly. Slowly it dawned on Regulus and he frowned. "What happened to your face? Why do you look as if you've been in a fight?"

Sirius touched the bruising beneath his eye and looked away. "It's nothing, Reg. I'm fine." He tried to smile but it didn't fit his face. "Look, all I wanted to tell you was that if you ever have a problem you're welcome to come to me. My door's always open for you Regulus."

They had a quick cup of tea and spoke of meaningless things for a while until a familiar shout from the master bedroom one floor above made Sirius go pale, after that the two brothers said good bye and Regulus saw Sirius to the door. When he had gone Regulus rested his forehead against it, gently he touched his lower left forearm with his right hand and pressed down upon the spot. Beneath his shirt sleeve lay a rather horrible tattoo, a skull with a serpent protruding from its mouth. The sign belonged to the local Organised Crime Syndicate known as the Death Eater's, run by a man who called himself Voldemort, Regulus had joined them in desperation when he had realised that their father had owed them money. Gambling and drinking debts had forced Orion to take out loans with the group who had begun to threaten Regulus' mother and remaining family. He closed his eyes tightly and pulled a face of self-disgust. "I'm doing it to protect you, Sirius…you have to understand that."

XXX

Sirius pulled up outside his flat to find Tim waiting for him, he leaned against the wall with a cigarette between his ruby painted lips. When Sirius cut the engine of his bike he smiled broadly and trotted over on his dangerous looking heels. "Sirius! I've been searching everywhere for you, my dear!"

Sirius took the man's cigarette from his mouth and took a long drag on it as he swung his leg over the bike and kicked the stand. "What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing's wrong!" Tim replied happily. "In fact everything is so wonderfully perfect I sometimes find I need to pinch myself just to be sure! Mr. Malfoy was in touch with me…"

"Oh?" Sirius said blandly, puffing on the white stick as he rummaged around in his pocket for his keys.

"Yes. He said how pleased he was with your performance, and he has recommended you to some of his more…difficult…clientele. Isn't that wonderful news?" Tim smiled at Sirius who opened his door and entered the small flat, he dropped the cigarette into the ash tray and dumped his jacket over the back of his sofa before turning on his boss angrily.

"I thought this was a one-time thing?!" Sirius snapped angrily.

Tim's face soured, he pursed his lips and eyed Sirius in disproval. "When did I say that? I assumed that you would want to do everything to get a recording contract…obviously I was wrong." He sighed dramatically.

Sirius paused, doubt flickering in his eyes. "R-Recording contract? Who are these others?" He asked warily.

Tim hid his satisfied smirk. "Their names are Yaxley and Dolohov from DM Records…" He did smirk as he watched Sirius' face light up.

"DM? You mean Dark Mark Records…they want…they want _me_?!"

"Yes, they asked for you specifically after hearing such glowing recommendations from Malfoy…who incidentally does their accounts."

Sirius' heart seemed to be beating right out of his chest, excitement overflowed and he began shifting from one foot to the other. "What…what do they want? To hear me play? Or…or…" He couldn't organise his thoughts properly as visions of him standing before a screaming crowd filled his head, his silver eyes shone and Tim had never seen him looking so attractive.

"Of course, there will be some conditions…" Sirius' face fell slightly as he looked at Tim. "For one I will be your agent and act as advisor and fashion consultant." He smiled as Sirius' face relaxed. "Secondly they have asked to meet you in private, I have played them your demo and they liked what they heard but they want to hear you live."

"I can do that." Sirius said with an eager nod.

"Very well then, as your agent I would recommend that when you do meet them you do everything that is asked of you, or else you may just blow your chance at fame."

Sirius licked his lips, he knew what Tim was hinting at. He looked away for a moment. "You mean that…that you want me to…"

"They will expect a favour in return, Siri, nothing in this life comes for free."

Sirius took breath. "Alright, fine…I'll do it." He said and met Tim's gaze with his own determined one. "I'll do anything to become famous, Tim. _Anything_."

Tim smiled and moved in close to Sirius, he stroked his cheek fondly. "Such a good boy." He said and kissed him, leaving behind bright crimson lipstick.


	9. Chapter 8

_**AN: Hi, I apologise for the long time between updates but I lost the thread of this story then my computer decided It would delete all my fanfiction so I had to re-read everything to rediscover the story lines. -.-' Fml. Anyways, I do hope some people are still enjoying this, I certainly do enjoy writing it. (I know, it's not perfect.) I would love it if you would leave a review; I would like to know what you guys think. Enjoy. :)**_

Chapter Eight: Fame

Sirius sat on the stool, his guitar sitting comfortably in his lap as his fingers caressed the fret board. The mic was inches from his lips as he sang, the chords weaving a tapestry of emotion through the air, music and lyric bonding and bursting from his soul to escape through his lungs. The strings vibrated through the tips of his fingers, his brows creased in a small frown of concentration as he poured his heart into the song, it wound into the air like a serpent, seducing the unwary listener with beauty and fierce, lilting melodies. He was hitting each pitch perfectly, his breathing was barely discernible between words and his voice rang with potential. His audience, which consisted of only three men, were captivated as the music washed over them in waves, they began to smile as Sirius went into a guitar solo, his eyes remaining shut so he didn't lose the thread of his song. He wrapped each chord around his voice, ensnaring it and turning it into a work of art, his body vibrated with the thrill of performance and he could almost hear the screams of adulation from an audience of thousands. He shuddered as he reached the crescendo of his song and the last few notes drifted, lingering in the air like smoke before slowly fading into breathless silence. Slowly, nervously, he opened his eyes to see the men leaning towards each other and whispering behind their hands. He bit down on his lower lip and his eyes moved to the figure stood by the door of the small meeting room, Tim flashed him a brilliant smile and it eased him somewhat.

Finally one of the men, his blond hair tied back from his face and a neat, if flashy, suit clutching his body like a gaudy glove, stood and held out his hand to Sirius. "That was an inspiring performance young man," Sirius shook his hand and a smile spread across his face. "You are very talented, we would like to hire you."

Excitement flared inside his chest, a warm explosion that made him think of fireworks. He leapt to his feet and tried to restrain the urge to jump into the air and whoop in delight. His eyes moved to the other men who were eyeing him with predatory gleams in their eyes, Sirius suddenly felt vulnerable as if he were naked beneath a spot light. He shifted so his guitar covered his body in a protective gesture, he smiled at the man before him. "Thank you very much Mr. Yaxley, it was an honour to play for you."

"The honour is ours, Mr. Black, we rarely hear a talent like yours…Perhaps you would like to come to a special party we have planned for this evening?"

Sirius' eyes once again found Tim who nodded subtly and smiled around a cigarette between blood coloured lips, Sirius swallowed his nerves and forced a smile. "I would be delighted to."

"Excellent, we will see you tonight in the Three Broomsticks club in Soho."

Sirius nodded, "I look forward to it."

Yaxley and his cohorts left, but not before many of them gave Sirius an appraising look, eyes as cold as daggers and as hungry as starved wolves. He shivered as he put away his guitar and felt Tim creep up behind him, arms surrounded his waist and he felt hot breath caress his neck. "You did well little puppy, now all you have to do is seal the deal with this delicious body of yours…" He ran his hands down Sirius' chest and slipped the tips of his fingers into the tops of his jeans, Sirius let his wandering hands go where they wished as images of himself on stage flashed through his mind. He grinned to himself as hot lips found his neck and began teasing the skin there. "You are such a good boy, I must admit I'm jealous of those who will have their hands on your divine body tonight…but it must be done. If you don't do this you will be kicked to the gutter and never heard from again."

"Yeah." Sirius whispered as he closed the case of his guitar and threw it over his shoulder, he turned and smiled at Tim. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"No, you couldn't." Tim giggled and led the way from the meeting room.

Sirius returned to his flat with his guitar slung over one shoulder, as he was fitting the key into the lock he heard someone call his name. He turned and grinned when he saw James running up to his house. When he saw James' smile Sirius felt warmth fill the bottom of his stomach, he resisted the urge to throw his arms around him and kiss those lips and greeted him normally. "Sirius, I missed you earlier today, where've you been, man?"

Sirius' smile widened and his eyes glittered with excitement. "Come in and have a drink with me, Potter." He said and shoved open his door, the two boys stepped into the dark room and Sirius flicked the lights on. He moved to his bed and put his guitar gently down on it. "What's your poison this evening? I have some Champaign I nicked from the parents, been saving it for an occasion…" He trailed off and went to his liquor cabinet. James watched him rummaging around, his arse fully on display in his very tight jeans. James' eyes automatically followed each sway of his best friends hips, like a swinging watch they hypnotised him and made him wonder what it would feel like to dig his finger nails into the firm muscles beneath. He swallowed and shook his head as Sirius re-emerged with a soft cry of triumph.

"What's the occasion?" James asked as he went to grab some glasses from the Kitchenette, Sirius moved with floating grace to the kitchen and grabbed a tea towel, he popped the cork and grinned as he poured the bubbly golden liquid into two glasses.

"Let's toast, Jamie…"

"What to?" James asked as he took his own glass, he was extremely curious.

"To me. A toast to the next Ziggy Stardust!"

James took a moment to digest that before his eyes widened, a grin spread across his face and he laughed. "To Sirius Black, the next biggest Rock Star to come out of Britain!" He cried and downed the liquid. "I can't believe it! Who did you get the contract with?"

"DM Records." Sirius said and before he knew it he grabbed James into a rough embrace, he laughed loudly and began hopping up and down on the spot. Excitement spilled from every pour, his laughter filled the room and James soon joined him, they jumped and shouted their excitement to the ceiling before calming down again. "I need some tunes, man…" Sirius muttered and grabbed the bottle off of the kitchen counter before going to his record player, Led Zeppelin's Black Dog was blasted into the room from the massive speakers. Sirius drank from the neck of the bottle and James snatched it off of him as they fell to the floor cushions, soon Sirius' voice joined that of Robert Plant's as he played air guitar draped across James' lap. He wriggled and occasionally snatched the bottle from James' fingers, all too soon it was emptied and they started on the beer.

As the alcohol flowed James found that his eyes lingered on Sirius more, he began to note odd things, such as the way he threw his head back when he laughed, or the curve of his throat when he was stretched out across the cushions, tapping one foot to the music. He noted that Sirius' shirt fell open to reveal a few sparse black hairs that scattered his chest, even the way his chest moved when Sirius breathed became something of a fascination to James' hungry eyes. He let them wonder Sirius' lithe body, enjoying the way one hand was resting casually against the waist band of those sinfully tight jeans, he eyed the slither of flesh revealed by the way his shirt rode up slightly as Sirius lay on the floor thrusting his hips into the air while he strummed an invisible guitar and sang to the music. He became so lost in the small things that it took him a moment to realise that Sirius had started talking, he shook himself and frowned as he realised he was sporting an erection, he shifted surreptitiously to try and ease the tension in his jeans.

"…Jamie?"

Sirius' voice snapped him once again from his reverie, he had been ensnared in Sirius' hips and the bulge beneath his jeans again. "Oh…yeah, sorry…what were you on about?"

Sirius' eye lids lowered, he saw James' eyes crawling over his body as he stretched languidly out on the floor, slowly he smiled. "You enjoying the show?" He whispered and James blinked at him, his smirk widened as he rolled onto his front and began crawling slowly towards his best friend. "You know, we never did talk about what happened the other day…before my…visitor." He purred and ran both hands up James' thighs, the alcohol was giving him an inordinate amount of courage and he had the thrill of his victory with the record agency still flowing through his veins.

"S-Siri…" James croaked as Sirius took his beer from his lax fingers, he put it aside and looked up at him through his heavy fringe.

"Jamie, do you…do you want me?" He breathed, not daring to hope as his fingers lingered on James' thighs very close to the thing he wanted above anything else in the universe. "God Jamie…I want you…" It slipped past his lips as a moan of desperation, his eyes sparkled with desire as he ran his tongue seductively across his lower lip. "Please, let me…just once…"

"B-But…I-I…I have a girlfriend…I can't…we can't…I-nng-_God_!" He gasped as gentle fingers brushed the growing bulge in his trousers, he let his head fall back and closed his eyes. Sirius let out a soft groan and moved further into James' personal space until he was seated between his open legs.

"Shh…" Sirius whispered, massaging James' thighs as he pressed his forehead to his chest. "Relax, what Evans doesn't know can't hurt her…I want this, I-" He sighed softly and his fingers moved to James' fly, slowly, gently he unzipped it. "Just one night." He breathed and slid it down, his eyes flicked upwards to see James with his head thrown back, his throat exposed as he bit down on his lower lip. Sirius groaned heavily and moved to pull down his friends jeans to expose his erect cock, he gazed at it longingly, sealing the image in his mind forever. Tentatively he ran his tongue over the tip, he felt James shiver and smiled assuming he was being given permission. He took the organ in one hand to steady it as he worked his tongue with expert skill, he heard James utter a groan and felt a hand sliding through his hair, he smiled and eagerly took James' cock between his lips. He heard his friend choke in shock and the hand tightened in his hair, he took him all the way in and swallowed around his mouthful to avoid gagging.

"Oh shi-shit!" James gasped, his hips thrusting upwards helplessly as desire and passion swept his veins like lava. He closed his eyes and allowed sensation to wipe away his guilt. Nothing mattered. His whole world centred on that hot mouth encasing every inch of his cock, it was that scolding hot tongue pressing and massaging, it was the nose buried in his pubic hair. He gasped and opened his eyes as Sirius began sucking hungrily, making soft groaning noises and swallowing occasionally around the mouthful, James looked down and almost came at the sight that greeted him. It was Sirius sucking on his cock. It was a man. It was his best friend. But he had never felt anything like it before and it sent wave after wave of intense physical sensation crashing through him, overloading his senses and driving him insane. It wasn't long before he was thrusting eagerly into that beautiful mouth, watching intently as those eyes opened to find his and suddenly, like a sharp stab of a white hot knife his orgasm twisted his gut. He choked on Sirius' name, crying out helplessly as he came in hard spurts down his friend's throat and Sirius swallowed like he was dying of thirst. "Oh…Oh fuck…oh Jesus…" James panted as Sirius pulled away and ran the back of his hand across his mouth.

"Fuck, you taste good." He croaked as he filled his mind with the image of James' face, he lay sprawled in a heap on a pile of cushions, his hair standing on end as if he'd been electrocuted and his jeans hanging half way down his thighs. His cock was limp and leaking a little as it softened against his thigh, Sirius eyed it hungrily as he ran his tongue slowly over his lips and imagined it buried deep inside him. He felt his own erection throb and he groaned softly, gently he palmed himself through his jeans as James stirred and blinked away the fog of his orgasm. Their eyes met and James went crimson, he gasped and suddenly began scrambling with his fly, he tucked himself back into his jeans and jumped to his feet. Without looking at Sirius he zipped himself back up. "J-James?" Sirius muttered, his arousal being rapidly replaced by an emptiness that wanted to engulf him. "What's wrong?"

"This…us…I-…I can't. We can't…It…I…I have a girlfriend!" He straightened out his t-shirt and turned to the mirror on the wall, he ran fingers through his hair to straighten it quickly and adjusted his glasses. Still his cheeks burned and he could not meet Sirius' eyes. "I have to go…Lily…she…she's expecting me…See ya." Without another word he ran for the door and yanked it open, it slammed behind him with such finality that it was like a nail in Sirius' heart. He sat on his knees, still tasting James on his lips, but his earlier excitement had been drained from his body. He sat there and stared blankly at the damp ridden wall, his mind as blank as a piece of paper.

It was dark by the time the knock came, Sirius stirred from his place in the cushions and climbed laboriously to his feet. It was as if he had been filled with lead as he dragged his feet to the door, he yanked it open to reveal Tim whose smile faded as he looked his charge up and down. "My god! Are you _really_ planning on going to this party wearing that?" He waved an offended hand at Sirius' crumpled shirt and half open jeans, Tim shook his head and pushed past Sirius. He froze as he took in the empty glasses and bottles scattered around the floor. "Were you having a party, Siri?" He turned to the boy who still stood morosely by the door, his face was pale and his eyes dark. "Oh my, what on earth happened, darling?"

Sirius' face twisted and he walked to the bed and threw himself down on it, he covered his face with his arms and rolled away from Tim. "I'm staying here." He grumbled.

Tim frowned. "Oh no you're not, Sirius. I worked hard to get you this gig, you're going to go and fuck whoever wants you, even if you're bleeding! If you want fame and fortune you will do as I say!"

"No. I'm done. I've f-fucked-…I've fucked everything!" He choked on his voice and curled tighter into a ball. "He hates me." He whispered and Tim pouted irritably.

"A broken heart?" He asked and sighed. "Then you have more reason to go to this party, darling! What better way to heal your wounds than to meet some pretty boy who will give you the time of your sweet life?"

Sirius sniffed and peered at Tim through a gap in his arms, "You reckon?"

"I know. Now, up you get and I'll get you looking fuckable." He smiled as Sirius slowly uncurled himself, "There's a good boy."

Sirius numbly allowed himself to be dressed like a doll, Tim gave him some subtle make up to enhance his cheek bones and eyes. He made him wear his favourite pair of leather jeans with his jacket and a shirt he was supposed to wear open to expose his chest. All the while he gazed at his reflection and saw an empty shell behind his grey eyes, he had ruined everything he had had with James and now he knew they could never be friends again. He had destroyed the most precious thing he had in his life and now…now his existence was pointless. He took a shaky breath and forced a smile onto his lips, he saw Tim smirking from behind him.

"You look perfect, Siri dear." He muttered and brushed a speck of imaginary dirt from his shoulder before handing Sirius a cigarette. "Come on, let's go meet your destiny."

Sirius followed obediently, he needed to get rid of the mental image of James' face as he had realised what Sirius had done to him. He needed to erase the whole afternoon from his mind and the only way to do that was to drink it away, he would lose himself in the flesh of another and forget. After that? He realised he didn't care.


	10. Chapter 9

**AN: This chapter contains scenes of drug abuse and depression. (The bit after the 'XXX' is actually a bit of a time skip, months have passed) Please enjoy and, as always, any comment is most welcome. Thank you.**

Chapter Nine: The Man Who Sold The World

Flashing lights, throbbing music, the taste of bitter alcohol…Sirius drowned himself. He tipped the bottle back and emptied it before letting it fall from numb fingers, he stumbled into a hot body and felt hands glide across his abdomen, he gazed into the face of one of the men who worked for his new record company. Hips ground into his as he was pressed against another body, more hands found his chest, fingers pinching a nipple as lips found his throat. He closed his eyes and felt the world sway gently to the pounding guitar riffs, he moaned and hummed to himself as fingers tangled in his hair and he felt a hot tongue forced between his lips. He kissed back sloppily and was pulled away again by his hair, teeth nipped at his shoulder as his jacket slipped from him. He found himself growing painfully hard in his trousers, his body flushed hot and cold as he opened his eyes and gazed up at the light show above him, he giggled and fell sideways into another set of arms that surrounded him. He tasted lipstick as he kissed the man hungrily, he devoured the mouth as fingers brushed his erection through his jeans, he shuddered violently. "Fuck…" He gasped and let the music carry him away, he danced, swaying to the beat as hot bodies pressed tightly against him, he felt hands everywhere, lips begging for his attention and eyes dripping desire. He was swept away on a sea of carnal pleasure and he found himself unable to think, the scents that surrounded him clogged his throat and made it difficult to swallow, he threw his head back and laughed drunkenly.

Later he found himself at a hotel, people were sprawled on the floor kissing and slowly undressing each other. He picked his way carefully around them, trying not to fall as he stumbled into furniture, he was led by Tim to a corner where several sofa's contained his new bosses. He fell elegantly into a seat between them and looked down at the table where several rolled up notes lay alongside lines of white powder. Someone handed him a note and he put it to his nose, he bent his head and sucked up a line of cocaine in one breath. "Ah…!" He leaned back against the leather seat and felt a hand sliding up his thigh, Yaxley smiled and Sirius returned it. It took a while before he was suddenly hit by a great rush of exquisite hyper activity, before he knew it he had been pushed down onto the sofa and a hot mouth had claimed his. He kissed back as more hands undressed him, his erection was straining against his trousers and was released from its confines. He gasped and stared up at the ceiling as fingers roamed his body, lips tended his nipples, hands massaged his balls and he drifted away on wave after wave of intense feeling. When the fingers entered him he simply lifted his hips up to give them better access, he let them use his body and even when it hurt he never cried out.

"Oh! Oh yeah…!" He arched his back, eyes wide and unseeing as the second man pushed his cock deep inside him. He groaned and let his eyes fall half closed, he watched the colours dancing across his vision and swamped him in sensations too exquisite for description. Someone ran a finger across his lips and he took it hungrily into his mouth, nipping lightly at the tips. Someone else engulfed his cock in wet, sucking heat and he felt the brutal stab of pressure in his gut. Slowly he ran a hand down his chest and found hair, he gripped it tightly and as the man fucking him moved he thrust automatically down the throat encasing his erection. Another man bent his head back over the edge of the large bed and he took their cock deep into his throat, it was unlike anything he had ever experienced. A blur of pulsing pleasure, the feel of hot cum splashing his chest and face, the salty taste of it on his tongue, his body full of fire and a hellish desire he couldn't seem to quench.

He was on all fours, his fingers digging deep into soft white satin sheets as someone's tongue explored his anus. He gasped and thrust backwards helplessly, the world a blur around him as women and men made love in various ways all across the room. Music was blared from the speakers and there were loud cries, grunts and groans and Sirius buried his face in the sheets and tensed, his body gave a violent shudder as a hot hand gripped his leaking cock and began moving rapidly. He thrust helplessly, his hips moving and chasing his ever illusive orgasm. "Ah…yeah…fuck me…" He gasped and heard a hot giggle from behind him.

"You enjoying yourself, little puppy?"

Sirius lifted his eyes to see Tim and found himself yanked upright, hands were pushed into his hair and a hot, waxy tasting mouth claimed his. He groaned into the kiss as fingers entered him from behind, he parted his legs invitingly as evidence from all the countless others who had had him that night dripped down his thighs. "Oh god yessss…" He hissed, Tim massaged his balls in one hand and he felt the man's erection pressing against his thigh. "Need to…need ta cum…T-Tim…Please…" his voice was hoarse and his body shuddering with utter desperation when finally something was rammed into him violently, he was pushed down into the mattress and Tim laughed from somewhere above him.

"You're making me so much money, your body is so perfect and you're so beautiful…It'll be a shame to let you go now."

Sirius gasped, the man who had mounted him was rough and it was beginning to hurt, he frowned in confusion at Tim's words but all too soon something hit that special bundle of nerves buried deep inside him and he exploded all over the sheets beneath him, each wave of pleasure made his body vibrate as he pushed back against whoever it was fucking him. He tangled his hands in the sweaty sheets and cried out hoarsely as the biggest, most intense orgasm he had ever had hit him with the force of the train.

Sirius' eyes opened slowly, he groaned and rolled onto his side. Sheets stuck to his body and he shifted in discomfort, a frown marred his forehead as a headache attacked his soggy brain with vicious knives of agony. His mouth tasted horrible and his tongue felt thick and uncooperative, he was lying surrounded by other bodies, and when he dared open his eyes he found himself trapped by men of varying ages, their arms wrapped around him possessively. Flashes of memory caught up with him and he blinked away some of the fog colouring his vision, he had been at a party and he had taken various drugs. He had no idea what he had taken, or what had been forced down his throat and he realised he didn't want to. Gingerly he sat up and winced in the early dawn light, all around him people slept, women and men all sprawled in inelegant heaps with bruised, sweat stained bodies. The room stank of sex and alcohol and Sirius felt stomach twist, he jumped up, tripping over someone and stumbling as he dived for a door, he yanked it open and with a prayer of thanks saw the toilet. He stepped over some poor girl and fell to his knees before it, just in time as his nausea gave way to vomit.

When his fit of sickness had passed he collapsed beside the toilet and buried his face in his arms with a desperate groan. His body ached dully, his nether regions feeling like someone had taken a sledge hammer to them, but it wasn't the ache of satisfaction. The gentle pulsing throb of his bruised flesh was nothing compared to the burning humiliation he felt each time a memory of the night forced its way through the fog of his mind, he choked on a sob as self hatred rose to engulf him and his stomach twisted again. He managed to pull himself up to the loo again to excavate what was left of his stomach before falling back into darkness.

He came around again to the soft sound of voices, he lay still blinking in the sunlight that poured through the curtains. He recognised one voice as Tim's.

"He was as good as you said he would be." One man said, Sirius turned his head to see who was talking and found a group of older men standing around Tim with money clutched in their hands. "Here's what is owed you, I'd like to use him again one day…My fiftieth birthday is coming up and if we were to have some of his exceptional brand of entertainment there it would make my day."

"Of course but I would need to know how many people will be using him and of course the usual conditions apply." Tim said, taking the man's money and rapidly counting it before stuffing it into his overstuffed bra.

The old man smirked. "Of course; do whatever you want just don't damage his face or equipment."

"Exactly."

Sirius felt an emptiness fill him, he could only remember odd snatches of brightly coloured images from the previous night. He had been used by so many that he had long ago lost count, his body still ached and he rolled over in the satin sheets and closed his eyes as a terrible shame took residence in his heart.

He must have fallen back to sleep again as when he next woke up he could see it was much later in the afternoon judging by the progress of the light across the floor. Slowly Sirius sat up and groaned, he saw Tim sitting in a chair by the bed and reading a magazine, a cigarette dangled from his painted lips and when he saw that Sirius was awake he grinned. "Look who's awake!" He said happily. "Did you have a good time?"

"Dunno…I hardly remember it…" Sirius muttered in reply as he leaned over and picked up a jug of water from the bedside table, his hands were shaking violently from dehydration and Tim took pity on him and poured him a glass. He downed the cool water and poured himself another glass, he turned it between his hands for a moment as he watched the light glint from the little bits of condensation on its sides. "Tim?" he asked, his voice seeming thick in his throat.

"Yes, little puppy?"

"…You're not…you're not just using me for money, are you?" He didn't dare look up, he didn't want to see confirmation in those cool blue eyes.

"Of course not!" Tim sounded scandalised. "Why on earth would I simply use you? With our current arrangement I get to benefit from your dream, you will become famous, Sirius and I will make sure you do…this is a mutual agreement, that's all."

Sirius smiled and downed the water. "That's alright then." He said but deep down he still felt a gnawing fear worrying at his heart.

XXX

Remus stood before his friend's door and knocked, he waited but there was no answer. He sighed and tried again but once again he was disappointed. He hadn't seen Sirius since that night Sirius had run naked down the street, he was worried as James had been acting strangely and would refuse to meet his eyes when he spoke about Sirius. He waited for a while just in case Sirius came back but finally decided to leave, he walked back to the street and took one last brief look back at the quiet apartment. He had the distinctive sense that there was something wrong, then he saw a light come on and flicker violently in the window before going out again. Remus frowned and ran back to the door, he hammered on it and heard someone swear from within. "Sirius?!" He called and there was silence. "Sirius, I know you're in there! Open this damned door!"

Sirius stood before the door, his jeans hanging loosely on his hips. The house was dark but when he tried to turn on the light it hadn't worked, with a sigh he opened the door reluctantly. The chain snapped taught and Sirius looked through the gap at Remus who's eyes widened.

"You look like shit." He said by way of greeting.

Sirius grinned weakly. "Thanks, always good to know I can count on you for an honest assessment."

"Open this door, I'm not talking to you through the door." Remus said firmly.

Slowly, reluctantly, Sirius pulled the chain on the door and it swung open. Remus gazed around the room in surprise, it was a mess as if someone had had a party and not bothered to clear up after themselves. "Wow…" He breathed and Sirius closed the door behind him, he turned and looked his friend up and down. Sirius' chest was bare and revealed bruises and scars in varying stages of healing, he had cigarette burns on his chest, his wrists were bruised as if he had been restrained at one point and he had dark circles surrounding his eyes. He was pale and ill looking but before Remus could comment he saw what he had, at first, taken to be a pile of clothing, move.

"Mmm…Siri, make me a drink, I'm dying here…"

Sirius went to the kitchen and began silently busying himself with the dishes, trying to find some clean cups. Remus watched as a complete stranger lit up a cigarette after emerging from the pile of blankets, he grinned at Remus through hazy eyes. "Hey, a visitor…you come to have some fun too? I'll tell you what, he's an excellent shag and a good price too."

Sirius froze but Remus made no comment as he removed his coat, he kept his face blank even as the shock of the admission almost rooted him to the spot. Abruptly Remus turned on the man and picked up the clothes he knew belonged to him, he threw them at him. "Get out." He said firmly.

"What are you, his pimp?" The man muttered around his cigarette.

"If that's what it will take for you to leave then yes." Remus said and put his hands on his hips as the man changed rapidly, he dropped a pile of notes onto the kitchen counter which Sirius grabbed eagerly and began counting. Remus tore his eyes away from the sight and heard the door shut, finally they were alone. Sirius avoided Remus' eyes as he handed him a cup of tea and sat down on the floor, he leaned against the wall and rummaged in his jeans pocket and withdrew a clear package with a few pills inside, Sirius popped a few and let Remus take the packet. "You need to talk, now." He said softly and sat down beside his friend.

"About what?" Sirius muttered vaguely and lit up a cigarette, he closed his eyes and slumped against the wall. "That I have to do stuff to be able to eat?"

"You could get a job." Remus said reasonably.

"I have a job, Remus."

"You have a job as a whore?" Remus snapped suddenly, Sirius opened his eyes to reveal two pits of darkness.

"I have no choice…I have no skills except making music and to do that I need to sell my body." He stubbed his cigarette out in an ash tray and drew his knees to his chest. "I let them do anything and everything to me…" He breathed.

"Fuck…Sirius, why?" Remus whispered and crawled closer, gently he put his hand on his friends shoulder.

"There is no other path! By selling my body I got to play for the big shots at DM records! They want to help me make it big, Remus! If I do this…If I let them and their friends have me every which way I can get my music heard! It's the only thing I've ever wanted…It's the only way I can prove to her that I'm worth something! That I'm not just some useless homo with no future…I have to make her see…I have to prove myself!" His eyes shone as he spoke and Remus gazed at him sadly.

"Have you looked into the mirror recently?" He asked.

"No…not unless Tim's doing my make up." Sirius replied and put an arm over his head. "I know what I look like, it doesn't matter to them."

Remus was at a loss, he scanned Sirius' face as he slipped down the wall and curled into a ball as if protecting himself from the world he had entered. "Let me help you." He said softly. "Please, you don't have to destroy yourself like this!"

Sirius chuckled. "Don't you understand it yet?" He looked up at Remus through his lank hair and his smile was wonky and broken. "No one wants me…no one…my parents didn't…my father tried killing me multiple times. My mother screams and hits me…I-I…I'm not wanted. Who would want someone like me? Who would need me? Who would fucking _care_?!"

"But I-"

"Don't. I don't want to hear empty words…I don't need your pity because soon it'll all pay off." His smile turned hopeful and his eyes glittered prettily. "Someday I'll be stood on a stage surrounded by screaming fans! I'll be wanted by _everyone!_ I'll be the centre of attention and finally people will love me…" He sighed and trailed off into a happy day dream, Remus sat still and it was a second before he realised Sirius had drifted off into a drug induced comatose state.

Slowly he stood and took a blanket from Sirius' bed, he threw it over him and set to cleaning the flat. When he was done he stood for a moment and watched the battered, broken boy sleeping. A deep sadness filled him and he took a shaky breath. "James loves you, Sirius…you don't need to do this." He whispered before walking out the door.


	11. Chapter 10

AN: I do hope people are still reading this and enjoying what they read. I am enjoying writing it. Any reviews you may wish to leave would, as always, be most welcome. Thank you.

Chapter Ten: Fallen Angel

Sirius' guitar lay by the door, unopened and unused. He sat on his knees as one of the men thrust his cock down his throat, he squeezed his eyes shut tightly as he listened to the man's breathing hitching, his body tensed as he prepared himself for the man's orgasm, he had been told that today they would begin recording his first album and he had been so excited he had rushed over with a bright, glittering smile before being grabbed and hauled into the recording booth and forced roughly to his knees. He choked as semen filled his mouth for the third time and he was dragged away and thrown to the floor, he lay still a moment, breathing hard as the men zipped themselves up, slowly Sirius ran his hand across his mouth and rolled onto his side. He looked up as they moved to the exit. "Oi…a-aren't you going to help me record a song?" He asked and one of the men paused, he looked down at Sirius and smiled.

"Not today kid." He said and left.

Sirius gaped at the door stupidly for a long time before slowly he got to his feet and picked up his guitar, then, walking like he was trying to run through water, he left the studio and returned to the street where his bike was parked. He stared numbly at it for a while feeling empty and used, as if those men had ripped away his soul forgotten to put it back again. Finally he threw a leg over his bike and revved the engine, in a second he was roaring down the street at dangerous speeds as anger and pain welled in his chest until he felt as if gouging his own eyes out was the only way to relieve the pressure.

He sat in the bar with his guitar by his side as he downed yet another glass of whisky. The barman sidled over to him while cleaning a glass with a rag, he threw it over his shoulder and leaned close. "You wanna drink for free?" He asked.

"And what would you want in return?" Sirius asked slowly, his eyes dead and empty behind a thick fringe.

"You look like you need to drown your sorrows, boy…play for me and I'll keep you in drink."

The man had a grey beard and scraggly hair, he was a tall, thin man with a pair of dirty spectacles covering bright, glittering blue eyes. "Alright then, you got yourself a deal…" Sirius agreed and stood up. "Where do you want me?"

"Up on that dais there, I'll set up a stool for you and microphone."

When all the equipment had been set up Sirius sat himself down on the stool and absently began tuning his guitar, not that it needed much adjustment. Finally he settled it in his lap and ran fingers across the strings, the music that he played wasn't something he had done before. He felt the music coming from within, it poured out of him as he began adding lyrics to his song. He sang of a boy who was damaged by life, he sang of a boy who had died inside and was now a shell. He sang of how he had loved and still loved a friend, but their love was forbidden and they were never meant to be, he sang of how the boy drowned his sadness in sin until he could no longer see his own face behind the bruises. The bar was silent as he sang but he couldn't hear it, his heart ached as he saw James behind his closed lids, his body thrummed with the music and when he finished the song and opened his eyes he saw the few patrons gazing at him through watery eyes. He knew that the song wasn't one that went with the fashion of the times, it had come from his very soul and he had never sung it before an audience before. He waited nervously for a few seconds and suddenly sudden clapping came from the bar and Sirius jumped in surprise. The barman was applauding and seconds later the whole congregation had joined in, they began wolf whistling and asking him to play again and he couldn't help the bright smile from spreading across his face as he gave them their wish.

Sirius played late into the night until the bar closed, he left and climbed onto his bike before realising that he had only had one free drink in exchange for his music. He paused and blinked before a small smile lit his face, "Thanks old man." He whispered and revved the engine.

XXX

Sirius woke in the morning feeling brighter and more hopeful, the people in the bar had enjoyed his music and their reaction had been genuine. He smiled to himself and stretched before someone knocked on his door, he slipped out of bed and opened it wearing his underwear. He saw James standing at his door his eyes scanned Sirius' body once and his face paled. "Holy shi-" Sirius dragged him into the flat and closed the door softly.

"Don't think about it, it doesn't matter." Sirius said and turned with a smile. "You can't know how much it means to me that you're here mate."

"Sirius I-"

"No, don't worry. It's all my fault. I was drunk and acted like a fool, your reaction was perfectly understandable. You know how I get when I've been drinking…do you want some tea?" He began putting the kettle on and talking over James' stuttering attempts at speech. "Did I tell you I played in that bar…what's it called…? Hogs head? Yeah that's it. I played in the Hogs Head last night, it was amazing! They loved me. The owners a really cool guy, you know? He gave me free drinks all night to play. I swear they had more customers in there by the time I'd finished than they'd seen in years." He put sugar in his own tea and handed James his before walking over to his bed and sitting down, his eyes landed on his friend who still stood by the door looking uncomfortable. "Look, I'm not going to bite…take a seat."

Reluctantly James sat down, Sirius hid the pain he felt when he saw him sitting so far away and sipped some of his tea. "Sirius…"

"I'm getting better at making tea!" He said with a small laugh, James looked at him in concern. Finally Sirius sighed. "I've told you, I don't want to hear it. You have nothing to apologise for! That night was all my fault, I was drunk and horny and I took things too far…I thought you wanted me and I was wrong…I-I…I hope you can forgive me and we can put this behind us."

James looked into his tea with a small frown. "That's not why I'm here." He said softly. "I was at mum and dads yesterday for dinner when…when dad told me about something he'd read in the papers…Siri…I-I hate to be the one to tell you this but…" James paused and closed his eyes as he lowered his head. "Sirius, a week ago your brother lost his life." His voice dropped to a whisper but the effect of them was like a canon ball to the chest for Sirius, his tea slid from numb fingers as he gaped at his best friend stupidly.

"N-No…" he croaked. "No…h-he was alive…I saw him…I saw him the other day…I-I…I don't…no! It's…i-impossible…! Jamie…tell me…tell you're joking…Please…" His voice dropped to a pleading whisper and when James said nothing Sirius leapt to his feet, he began pacing back and forth before suddenly grabbing his cup and throwing it at the wall where it shattered into thousands of pieces. "FUCK!" He screamed. "FUCK!" He choked on his voice and punched a hole through the thin plaster wall, James stood but didn't touch him, he looked nervous as he watched Sirius crumble. He screamed and sank down the wall, leaving a smear of blood behind from his mangled knuckles. He choked on a sob and covered his head with his arms as he pushed himself into a tight ball. "R-Reg…" He breathed and James heard his breathing hitch, he could see tears sliding down his cheek as he fought with himself.

"Sirius…? Is there anything I can do?"

Sirius said nothing and James silently walked towards the door, he looked back at his friend with pure agony gleaming in his eyes before opening the door and walking away. Sirius never heard him leave as he let grief overwhelm him until it obliterated everything, finally his tears subsided into soft hiccoughing sobs and he struggled to his feet. He got dressed rapidly and grabbed the keys of his motorbike, without thought he started the engine and disappeared into the darkening streets.

Tim opened his door with a glass of wine in one hand, he revealed Sirius looking rather bedraggled and a little desperate. His leather jacket was torn and he was covered in grazes and cuts but he had a mad grin on his lips. "Hello, what's wrong?"

"You having a party?" Sirius asked, peering into the house over Tim's shoulder.

"I am…do you wish to join us?"

"What an excellent idea my friend." Sirius stepped into the house and swayed a little before shaking his head and dripping rain water all over the carpet. "'M sorry, bin out and about…its fucking cold out there." In fact he couldn't feel the cold, it simply seemed the right thing to say. Tim smirked and handed him his wine.

"Drink up, Little Puppy, I have some friends who would be so glad to meet you."

Sirius downed the wine and vaguely noticed that it tasted of ash and bitterness, but he ignored it and followed Tim into his living room. Sirius' eyes scanned the room and he saw it was a group of men who were drinking but there was a curious pile of drugs and other paraphernalia upon the table, _Perfect _he thought with relish and put on his sexiest smile.

Before Sirius could think he was surrounded by supple flesh, his body thrummed with blissful forgetfulness and he sank into it gratefully. When they removed his clothing he never uttered a word, when they pushed him to the floor before the fire, he only closed his eyes. When the needle pierced his skin he let it happen, he no longer cared what happened to him. He was lost on his tidal wave of grief, he had lost the last person in his rotten family who had any hope of redemption, he had lost his baby brother, the one who had been his lifeline, the one he had sworn he would protect. As white fog came with a wave of euphoria to wipe away all sensible thought, he saw his brother's face and felt a single tear slide down his cheek before he groaned and let the drugs in his system work their beautiful magic.

Sirius woke the next morning with the usual feeling of a hangover, he felt empty and weak and his body was covered in more wounds and more handprints. He shifted and felt soft sheets beneath his body, he rolled over and tried to regain the sweet forgetfulness of sleep but it eluded him. Finally he rolled onto his back and opened his eyes to gaze up at the ceiling, Tim lay beside him with a content, cat like smile on his smudged lips and Sirius turned his head to watch him. Slowly he leaned over and pressed their mouths together, he reached down beneath the covers and found Tim's cock, gently he began waking it up and Tim groaned and began kissing him back. Sirius felt sick to his stomach but he had never needed the comfort of another warm body more in his life, he needed to feel needed, even if it only lasted until Tim came. "Tim…fuck me…" He gasped and Tim opened his eyes to gaze into his, he smiled and pushed Sirius over onto his back. "Not like this." He muttered and rolled onto his front, he lifted himself up onto his hands and knees and bowed his head. "Hurt me!" He whispered.

"Why on earth would I do that?" Tim mused softly from behind him, he ran a hand down Sirius' back and watched him shiver.

"I fucking deserve it!" Sirius muttered. "I'm a worthless, pathetic whore…treat me like it."

Tim smirked and lifted an eyebrow before parting Sirius' cheeks and leaning over his back to whisper in his ear; "You asked for it." He breathed and long nails dug harshly into Sirius' skin. "Just don't scream too loudly, the neighbours will complain."

Remus stood nervously by Sirius' door, James by his side. They had knocked repeatedly but received no answer, they had no idea where he could be and Remus was terrified. "I can't believe you just left him!" He muttered.

"What did you expect me to do?! He was…he was upset and I doubt he wanted anyone to see him like that. I didn't want to embarrass him."

"He needs us! He needs us now more than ever, don't you see how broken he is?!"

"He seemed pretty happy yesterday, he was chattering away like a parrot."

Remus glared at James furiously. "It's an act, you idiot! He's putting on a front because for some reason he's convinced he's done something to destroy your friendship…"

James flushed and looked away, he shifted awkwardly and lowered his head. Finally, when the silence had gone on for too long he sank down the wall and covered his face with his hands. "He…he gave me a blow job." He muttered in a dead voice. "Remus, I l-let him suck me off…It was…it was so fucking good, once he started I couldn't stop him!"

Realisation dawned in Remus' eyes and he sighed. "And you ran away?"

"What else was I supposed to do?!" James said and lifted his head. "I couldn't let him take it further and I knew by his face that he wanted to…hell, _I _wanted to take it further! He was fucking gorgeous, those tight jeans and seductive smile…how could I resist that? I'm weak, Remus…I couldn't let it happen."

Remus sank to the floor beside James and sighed. "You pushed him over the edge…he told me that no one loves him…I think he loves you James."

"No…don't be stupid." James said, a little too quickly. He fell silent and glared at his shoes, deep down he had known, for years he had known that Sirius' feelings had changed towards him and he had deliberately ignored it. He had also stubbornly ignored his own confused feelings, he had pushed them aside and chased a girl who had seemed the epitome of femininity. The problem was when he caught her he had really fallen for her, hard. Now he was confused, ever since the day he and Sirius had stepped beyond the boundaries of friendship he had been consumed by the vision of Sirius' eyes gazing up at him and smiling a little around his mouthful. That moment had called up feelings so intense he had panicked and fled like a child, he had no idea what to do with the emotions and so he had packed them firmly away and avoided Sirius until now. And as he sat there he realised what a horrific mistake he'd made.

Remus sighed and looked up at the grey sky, he recognised the emotion James hid so badly, and he had spoken to Lily and she had revealed her feeling that there was something more between the two friends. It was so obvious even strangers could have seen it, it was so obvious it had blinded the two most closely involved. "You need to fix this." He said just as the sound of a bike drifted towards them, preceding the machine its self. James leapt to his feet as the bike came to a skidding halt, kicking up stones and leaving behind a big black smudge on the tarmac. Sirius cut the engine and fell off his bike, he stumbled away from it as it crashed to the pavement. Sharp, humourless laughter left his lips as he kicked it and stumbled drunkenly toward his door. Sirius' face was covered by sunglasses and his jacket was falling apart as it hung from his shoulders, his boots were scuffed and his jeans torn to reveal bloody marks across his skin. He grinned around a cigarette in greeting to his friends and tried to get his key to fit the lock, a warm hand covered his and extracted the key from his numb, shaking fingers. Remus let them into the flat and Sirius fell into his bed, his cigarette falling from his lips and into the sheets, he went still and could have been dead had his chest not been rising and falling gently. James went to him and picked up the cigarette and stubbed it out in an ashtray.

"Let him sleep, he needs it." Remus said before James could rouse him. James gazed at Sirius for a moment before sighing and removing his jacket, Sirius didn't even stir as his clothes were removed and his skin revealed. James took a sharp breath, hissing through his teeth. Sirius' body was battered and bruised, some wounds obviously had been caused by a crash on his bike but there were long scratches down his back, lines covering his chest like long bloody rail tracks and even a set of teeth marks dug deep into his shoulder. James lifted one of his arms and saw several bruises in the crook of his arm, he dropped it and turned to Remus. "Christ…" Remus muttered in horror. "Heroin?! What the hell was he thinking?"

"He's escaping." James whispered as he pulled a blanket over Sirius' body, gently he brushed hair from his friends face and felt pain lance at his heart. "He's running away…and…and I don't think we can help him…"

"We have to…he's going to kill himself." Remus muttered with a worried frown. "I'll move in with him and make sure he gets better…if I have to I'll get him into some kind of Rehab facility…but that will be a last resort."

That night James slept by Sirius' side, he pulled his cold body close and wrapped him in warmth. He could hear Remus lying nearby and sleeping soundly as he ran his fingers through Sirius' hair, he closed his eyes tightly and wished that Sirius could feel what he was feeling, he wished with all his heart for Sirius to pick up on the way his heart beat with terror and a deep, all consuming love. He wished that Sirius could see himself through his eyes, he wished Sirius could see how much he was loved and needed.

Sirius opened his eyes, he found himself wrapped in warm comfort and sighed contently, he hardly remember the previous nights activities, only a strange fog with blurred images of random faces and greedy hands. He rolled onto his back and blinked sluggishly up at his stained ceiling, he heard his bed partner shifting in their sleep and returned his attention to a familiar face. Pitch black hair stuck up in interesting angles and the face was marred by a tiny frown, Sirius lifted a shaking hand and smoothed the frown away with his thumb. Tenderly he kissed James' forehead and felt his heart breaking all over again, he closed his eyes tightly and took comfort in the arms of his best friend.


End file.
